


Liminal

by nikogda



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Adult Content, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Everything after 1d is an AU, Exes to Lovers, Happy Ending, Kidfic, M/M, Mild Angst, Minor Drug Use (once), Miscommunication, Sexual Content, Very Minor Character Death Mention, dad louis, ot5 friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 04:40:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 42,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18843826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikogda/pseuds/nikogda
Summary: One Direction, along with Harry and Louis, have been broken up for eleven years. The two haven’t spoken in that time and Louis is now the father of a beautiful eleven-year-old daughter. When Simon Cowell passes away, Harry is brought back into Louis’ life along with emotions Louis thought he’d let go of long ago.





	Liminal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RecycledStardust](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RecycledStardust/gifts).



> Hello! This is my second fic for the One Direction Big Bang and it was done in just a week for which I am proud of myself. However, it would NOT be anything without the amazing and wonderful help from so many people around me. I really hope that they know how grateful I am for them and for always welcoming my random snippets and rambles/frustrations. For always being willing to listen and help when I need it.  
> This fic started out in a specific way as a thank you to my main beta, Lynda for all she's done for me. But when I decided to put it up for 1dBB, I ended up taking segments of this fic into separate docs and then proceeded to redo it all in 24 hours with no sleep. This became something for me and it was therapeutic to write Louis.  
> I appreciate my non-fandom cheerleader who read this over when it was done and left wonderful remarks along the way! Also, thank you to, [Tositandadmire on Tumblr](https://tositandadmire.tumblr.com/) for being a wonderful beta!  
> I just want to be clear once more about this, even though I did put it in tags. One Direction existed and broke up in this fic. Everything **after** the band breakup is an **au**. I know nothing about contracts and this is all fake!
> 
> Art by the amazing, [Emmi!](https://londonfoginacup.tumblr.com/) Thank You SO MUCH!!

The car alarm outside startled Louis after he’d dozed off again for what was likely the fifth time. He needed to just actually change and put himself in bed instead of dozing off halfway on the bed. He arched his back off the bed, his legs stretching out as he wiggled his toes and smiled to himself. His body loosening up is one of the best feelings he thinks. Louis kicks at the blankets that were already hanging halfway off the bed. 

It had been a long day, waking at four with a call from Liam with some news that Liam said he wasn’t too sure how Louis would take. Their former manager, Simon, had passed away. Apparently, he’d gotten up late at night for some warm milk and missed a step, causing him to fall down his stairs. Louis felt indifferent initially, but on one hand, he had a family. On the other hand, he was one of the world’s biggest narcissistic, mentally manipulating assholes and he couldn’t be bothered to feel a damn thing for the man. He did feel bad for those who  _ may _ have cared for him, like his son. 

By the time he got off the phone with Liam, it was time to wake his daughter, Lyra. After that, his day just stayed busy. Now it was nearing one in the morning and he’d just gotten his daughter to go to sleep. Having an eleven-year-old was work he didn’t remember signing up for. It was work that he would do any day if it meant having her in his life. She was the light of his life and everything to him. She easily reminded him when life got tough, that there was good in the world. He loved her and has absolutely no regrets with how his life has gone, as far as she is concerned. If changing anything in his past would stop him from having Lyra, he would do every single thing again with no question asked. As long as it leads to him being Lyra’s father. 

His phone buzzed beside him on the bed and Louis huffed in annoyance, sliding down further into his bed as he grabbed his cell to see who was texting him. It was Liam asking him if he would text Harry and tell him. Louis swallowed and sent a text back asking why Liam couldn’t do it himself.  

**Liam: Cause Louis…**

**Liam: It’s been almost 12 years and the two of you need to talk.**

Louis snorted, no they did not need to talk.    
  
**Louis: Don’t even have his number. Night, Li.**   
  
That was a lie, he did have his number and he knows that Harry never changed it. Harry has had the same number for years. Louis once called it from Zayn’s phone, curious if he had changed it or not. That had only been three months ago when he’d been drunk. He is also sure that his lovely pals would let him know if Harry did, in fact, change his number. 

A response from Liam came through - it was Harry’s number because of course, it was. He wasn’t going to get out of being the one to tell Harry. He also figured it may be fitting for him to be the one to break the news. He was pretty sure Harry felt the same as Louis and would likely break open the champagne and feel sad for those who may be saddened by this loss. Louis knew though, even Harry wouldn’t shed a tear. Louis sighed and pulled up Harry’s contact. The texts were blank, no messages sent between them in so many years. He began to type something simple and backspaced. 

“ _ Ding dong the witch is dead. _ ” was all he wrote. He pressed send and plugged his phone in. Louis got up and glanced across the hall. His daughter’s door was open enough he could see her sleeping soundly in her bed; her face pressed into one of his hoodies. Being a single father was never something he thought would happen to him, or being a father at all if he is honest. He figured if that was ever a possibility it would be with adoption. Until one night after he got drunk and hooked up with a friend of his. She called him six months later to tell him she was pregnant. He assumed with someone else's child, never thinking she’d say it was his. He had never planned to sleep with his best friend but a night of drinking and emotional venting and well, that was that. He’d only been with one other girl in his life and had been in a relationship for seven years with Harry. 

They broke up and it didn’t feel like a bad break up when Louis had been sitting with Harry in their shared apartment in Los Angeles, discussing the possibility of breaking up after so many years. Both of them acknowledged that they hadn’t really ever had the chance for other relationships. He didn’t think it would end like this. That Louis would end up shit faced the same day he had slept with Harry for the last time and end up sleeping with his best friend and get her pregnant and find out six months later. A year after he broke up with Harry he never thought his life would have been as drastically changed as it had. 

Louis also didn’t expect to lose touch with Harry, who was his first love and first in many ways. He’d had sex before he met Harry and he barely remembers it, he’d been in a relationship before Harry and again, barely remembers it. But with Harry, he remembers everything. He remembers the first time they met. The first time they stayed up all night side by side in a bed that was far too small for both of them to fit and talked and laughed together. The first time he slipped his pinkie around Harry’s and tugged his hand towards him as they walked down a hall together. Louis remembers the first kiss and the fear he felt after that Harry would hate him. He remembers it all from the first touches and the first moments and the last moments and the last touches, all of it he remembers and sometimes he swears he can still feel the hand squeezing him on the back of his neck or the ghost of a kiss on his temple. All those memories, he holds all of them so very close to his heart and he always will. But he wishes that Harry himself was not just another memory, too. 

However, life works in mysterious ways and Louis wouldn’t change it for anything. Louis also figures that his life is how it was meant to be. He was never meant to be with Harry for always and ever like they whispered in kisses. He was never meant to be his until the end of time. He was only meant to be Harry’s until the end of their time together. That was just the way it went and he got used to it, despite the occasional moments he would have. All of them momentary and in passing as he went through his day to day life. 

His phone shifted with a vibrating buzz on the bedside table, falling off a book it was half laying on. He tossed his shirt into the dirty laundry hamper, just barely making it into the cloth basket before he walked over to his phone and pulled up the notification.

**Harry: What? Who is this?**

It was from Harry. Of course, it was because he had to respond. Louis sat down on the edge of the bed and hovered his thumbs over the screen for a moment. 

**Louis: Simons kicked the bucket. Fell down some stairs to get “warm milk”. Thought you’d wanna know.**

**Louis: And it’s Louis.**

He held his phone in his hands, staring at the screen. He must have zoned out because he nearly dropped his phone when it vibrated in his hands. He slid his thumb over the new notification,

It was a confetti emoji. Louis smiled and huffed out a silent laugh before he set his phone down. He got up and turned off the bedroom light, crossing the short path to his bed from the door and got in bed, tugging the blankets up over him. He was asleep before his head even hit the pillow. 

 

**≿❈≾**

“Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Da--’’ 

“Stop, stop, stop please for the love of everything stop jumping on the bed.” Louis groaned as he sat up and pulled his daughter’s arm, tugging her down beside him. Her laughter spilt into the air and she smiled. Her thin-lipped smile covered with her long messy auburn hair.  

“It’s late. ‘M going to be late for school and you overslept.”  She spoke as she sat up, Louis watching as she tugged the hair band off her wrist and pulled her hair up into a messy bun. 

Louis ran his hands over his face and nodded as he threw the blankets off him, “Go get something to eat. Are you dressed? I’ll grab some clothes, I’m sorry I overslept. Someone who managed me years ago passed away a few days ago and I was up late with you and just, sorry.” 

“I’m sorry. Were you close to the person?” She questioned as she grabbed his phone off the bedside table. 

“No.” He went to his dresser and pulled some joggers on over his boxers and a shirt out of a drawer, throwing them on before turning around to face her, “Not at all. Proper dick if you ask me. Now go, go get something to eat. We got to get a move on.

Louis watched as she tossed his phone on the bed and left his room, her bun bobbing up and down as she left. He went to his phone and grabbed it, glancing at the time. She was an hour late to class and he sighed, debating not even taking her in. But she cared about her grades, she cared about her future and it made his heart swell with pride that even at her age, as young as she was, it was so important to her to get great grades and have a future. 

After Louis made a half-assed attempt at making his bed and did a quick shortened version of his morning routine, he grabbed his phone and headed into the living room, finding Lyra sitting on the black leather sofa with some toast. 

“You’re an hour late to school. Why did you let me sleep so late? You always wake before me.” He grabbed his slip on vans and shoved his feet into them before looking for his keys. He’d tossed them on the bar when he got home. He was sure of it. Louis frowned as he turned in a circle, looking on the floor around him after looking on the bar between the kitchen and living area.

“I woke late because I  had no alarm set, forgot to turn it back on. A car honking woke me.” She laid the crust on the coffee table and got up off the sofa. 

Louis sighed and shoved his phone into his pocket, spotting his keys on a bar stool that was halfway in the kitchen. He stared at them for a moment before going over and picking them up, “Alright, we need to leave.” 

 

**≿❈≾**

An hour and a half later, Louis had gotten Lyra to school and signed in. He explained that there had been an unexpected death and they’d been up all night. His daughter got an excused absence from the classes she missed. The reasoning for her being up late had nothing to do with the death, however. She was just having a rough day and Louis let her hang out with him and watch some movies while he talked to Liam. He was now sitting at a small coffee shop near her school waiting for Niall to show up. He took a cautious sip of the hot coffee in the cheap styrofoam cup and frowned when it burnt his tongue. 

“Louis!” Louis smiled as he turned around, spotting Niall coming towards him with his arms open, ready for a hug.

He stood up and was immediately pulled in by the Irishman, “Niall, it’s been forever.”

“I know! Can’t believe it took that dick’s death for us to see each other again. I only live a couple of hours from you. How are things? How is the spawn?” They both moved to sit down at the small table, Niall waving for the waitress as she passed by. 

“At least we kept in touch. Only been a year since I last saw you, and I had lunch with Liam and Zayn last week. And, well she’s good. Eleven going on sixteen.” 

“Good years. Cheers to that. So, what else is new besides that sad sack of shit kicking the bucket?” Niall smiled at the waitress as she walked up to the table. She smiled back, taking his order and Louis stayed quiet until she left to be polite. 

“Not too much, really. Liam needs me to write some songs for this new artist that Zayn's working with.”

“How's that all going? Producing and writing?” Niall thanked the waitress as she came back to the table with his coffee.

Louis turned his cup, running his thumb along the seam of it, “It’s good. Kind of nice to do it anonymously. I always worry that a song may get ignored or picked up because I was in One Direction, and this way dumb fuck never got to touch what we did. I don’t know how Zayn and Liam do it without attaching their names to the artists. I mean they have some big names on their label.”

Niall nodded before he cleared his throat. “So, has anyone told Harry?” 

Louis took a sip of his coffee and nodded, “Yeah. I texted him.”   
  
“You? How’d that go? How’d he take it?”   
  
“Well, he sent back confetti emojis.” Niall laughed at that, covering his mouth quickly to not disrupt anyone else. 

“That’s funny. I wasn’t sure how he would take it. On one hand, it’s H. On the other, he absolutely hated Simon. He literally stopped making music so he couldn’t touch anything he did.” Niall said, taking a sip of own coffee.

“I know, I was thinking of what to say so I was blunt.” Niall nodded in response, not saying much else. 

They sat there for another hour, discussing the things they have been up to and talking about things in their past. Being in a band together and touring, the ups and downs and how their lives might have been had it never happened. Both though, agreeing they would do it all over again if asked. Eventually they parted ways, agreeing to meet at Louis’ for dinner the next night. Louis had texted Zayn and told him about it and he said he and Liam would be there. And Louis was happy. The four of them would all be together again and it had been far too long since they all hung out. 

Once Louis picked up Lyra and went to the market to get stuff for the house and the upcoming dinner, he was laying on the sofa as Lyra and her friend talked in the kitchen. He’d bought cupcake mix and picked Vivi up from her place a couple of streets over. He had debated the idea of inviting Harry, unsure if he was even in town. If he even lived in California anymore. He knew he did have a place and that his Mum was living there as of a month ago. He knows because he sometimes still had brunch with her. She’d told Louis once that she never spoke about their brunches to Harry and that she didn’t intend to. She didn’t know how he would take it and he understood. He was happy to spend time with Anne when he could.    
  
He picked his phone up off his thigh and thumbed over the screen, opening up the message window for Harry and stared at it. Harry had sent a message asking how Simon passed. It was sent around four hours ago and Louis isn’t sure how he’d missed it. He sent a quick text telling him what Liam had told him, adding in the information about the dinner at his place. He dropped his phone in his lap and glanced towards the kitchen, seeing the girls leaning on the bar and talking with their heads close. He put his focus back on the television. The volume was so low he couldn’t hear what was going on. He stared at it, having it on ID Discovery, some crime show. He grabbed the remote and turned it up just enough to hear the narrator.  A few moments later his phone vibrated in his lap, startling him. He picked it up and unlocked it, pulling open the text that he’d just gotten. It was from Harry like he’d assumed it would be. 

**Harry: Of all the ways that fuck could go, he falls down the bloody stairs. Priceless** .

Louis snorted because Harry wasn’t wrong. He almost felt bad for the guy, almost. That is until he remembers the years of forced closeting and how even after they all split up as a group, Simon still had control over them. So much that they all went and did other things instead of continuing music. Niall started a golf company. Harry did modelling and spent most of his time in other countries. Liam and Zayn started a record label and did it all under other names and Louis was ghostwriting. They did things that Simon couldn’t try and take money from them for. If they did release songs, it was under his label. Louis couldn’t wait until the contract was over. 

He never wanted to sign another one again, even though he technically had already signed a few. But, he knew the people he signed them for and he had a lawyer he trusted read over them. Even the ones he signed for Zayn and Liam’s label he had read over. And those guys were his best friends. He was brought back to present with the sound of his phone vibrating with a new text. He opened the text, once again from Harry.    
  
**Harry: What dinner? At your place?**

**Louis: The lads and I are going to have dinner tomorrow night. Meet up and such. Thought maybe if you were in town that you’d like to come? Been a while…**

**Harry: Been a while… only with you.**

**Harry: Sorry.** **  
****Harry: Who’s all going to be there and where is in town exactly?** **  
**  
Louis rolled his eyes at the first response and sighed, glancing into the kitchen. Lyra and Vivi where both sitting on the stools, a small timer in the shape of an apple sitting beside Lyra as she flipped through a book, pointing something out to her friend. He looked back at his phone. 

**Louis: Right.** **  
****Louis: The lads. Liam, Zayn, and Niall. Me, also it’s at my place in CA.** **  
**  
He stared at the screen, seeing the dots appear and he glanced over at his daughter. She knew of Harry, she knew about One Direction. She had no idea though that Harry’d been in Louis’ life the way he had at one point. That once upon a time he would daydream about marrying the man. About watching him walk down the aisle towards Louis with happy tears falling down both their cheeks. About having a family or settling down and growing old together. He didn’t see a reason to tell her he’d dated him for so long when he was in the past like he was. She knew he was gay, he told her and was open with it. He’d had a few boyfriends here and there. A few he’d introduced his daughter to. One of them was still a good friend of Louis’ and he, Lyra, and Roman would still occasionally have lunch. They decided pretty quickly they were better off as friends and it worked out pretty well. Louis frowned, his thoughts getting off track once more. He sighed quietly and looked at his phone. Harry’s words appearing as he looked.

**Harry: Yeah okay. What time and where?** **  
****Harry: Do you honestly want me there? You know you don’t have to invite me, right? I’d never have known. The guys and I talk. We hang out. I know you all also hang out.** **  
****  
****Louis: Yeah, I know you all are friends too. But I thought maybe we should all meet up if we’re all in town. Including you this time.** **  
****  
****Harry: Alright. Let me know when and where.**   
  
Louis opened Liam’s text to quickly verify the details and even told him Harry was coming, Liam had turned around and called Louis, excited at the idea of all of them having dinner together. 

Louis groaned, “Yes Liam, I invited him. I need to get back to him and tell him what time we’re meeting. I also think I need to see if Shana can take Lyra for the night.

“Could I sleep at Viv’s?” Her loud voice interjected and Louis turned to find her standing beside the sofa. He wasn’t aware she’d come into the living room.   
  
“If you ask her Mum first.” She smiled and ran back into the kitchen and could hear the girls talking with each other.    
  
“Well, do you have a time, Li?” Louis asked and he looked back over at his daughter.

She was staring at Vivi who was on her cell phone. Louis assumed it was with her mother.    
  
“Around seven work? We’re with Niall and he said he has a meeting but is free at six. Zayn and I have stuff till six also. Is seven okay?” Liam responded.

“Should work, I’ll text H. Also, Liam can you do me a favour? Don’t mention her to him at all. He doesn’t know.”    
  
Louis heard it get quiet in the background and a door closing before Liam spoke up. “Louis, we have helped you keep her a secret for nearly twelve years. We know the lengths you and Shana have gone to so that she could have a private and normal childhood. She doesn’t even have your last name. I’m not going to tell Harry about your daughter for many reasons. The main one being is that it’s your place, not mine.”   
  
“I appreciate it. It isn’t that I don’t want him to know or that she’s some big secret I am ashamed of. Because she isn’t. It’s just he can do the math and he will, and he will realise just how soon after we broke up she happened. I don’t want to hurt him.” Louis glanced over at the girls who were talking quietly with their heads together and pointing at something on Vivi’s phone. 

“I get it, Lou. I get it and we all get it and we won’t say anything. But you need to be careful because it’s not like there isn’t any sign of a child living with you.”    
  
“I have siblings though” Louis responded, moving to sit with his feet on the floor, his back to the kitchen.

It was quiet between the two for a moment. Louis could hear Liam moving stuff around and his daughter and her friend laughing in the kitchen. After another minute past Liam spoke up. “Well, we will see you at seven tomorrow.”

“See you then, Li.” They both said their goodbyes and hung up. Louis pulled open Harry’s messages and stared at them for a moment before sending his address and the time. He quickly explained that everyone would bring something with them, sides, drinks, or a dessert. But that he didn’t expect Harry to since he’s not had dinner with them all before and it would be okay. 

Harry responded telling him that he would be glad to bring a dessert with him and Louis tried to tell him he didn’t have to only for them to bicker back and forth a few times before Louis gave in and told him to do what he wants. It ended with Harry saying he will do just that. 

After a moment of nothing, Harry followed up with, “Avocado cupcakes”

Louis glared at his phone before sending a quick response.

**Louis: Never mind, You can’t come and play with us.**

 

**≿❈≾**

The next day started off with Lyra waking Louis up again, saying she would be late. After he got her to school just in time to avoid actually being late, Louis had to go meet Zayn and discuss some songs that an artist wanted to use. He walked away happy from that meeting and went and grabbed lunch with Niall. Harry texted him during lunch asking what Louis would be making for dinner. Louis had gotten some stuff and had thought about doing a breakfast mix because it was simple for him to do and he could handle it. It was also what they almost always had when they all came to Louis’ for dinner. Harry followed up asking if he could make his breakfast burritos and despite being at lunch, Louis’ stomach growled. In the end, the plan was that Harry would come over and cook at Louis’ because they both agreed it would be easier. 

All of this, talking to Harry and making plans for him to cook at Louis’ place. It all felt too natural. After nearly twelve years, Louis didn’t think he’d be talking to Harry, let alone agree that Harry should make food at Louis’ place. He would be lying if he denied the fact that he was really excited to see Harry. He’d practically blacklisted him from his life. in the few interviews Louis did when he had released a few songs here and there, he avoided discussing the guys and the group as a whole. It became obvious early on with all five of them that if they didn’t blacklist the topic, it would be brought up repeatedly. Zayn was the first to blacklist the group as a whole. Especially since he and Liam ended up being public, that opened up discussions that he didn’t want to bring up, that contractually he couldn’t ever. 

Harry followed suit pretty quick when his movie came out. He made one comment about the boys, about the group and time spent and the music they made and how he has no regrets. And slowly, one by one they all made one remark and blacklisted the topic. It has been eight years now since Louis or any of the boys have actually said One Direction out loud. The thought leaves Louis feeling a little sombre. Something he tells Niall who nods as he chews his pizza. They sit quietly for the rest of lunch and Louis reaches out for Niall’s hand near the end of it and squeezes it. Niall’s eyebrows drew together in slight concern. 

“I love you, Ni. Like with everything that's happened between Harry and I. And you all staying around and supporting me in taking full custody of a child. Being there through my losses and through life overall, I am so glad that with everything I faced you all were there with me. Even Harry. He wasn’t there physically or anything but his Mum was and I know he wanted to be. 

Niall stuck his bottom lip out in a pout, “Lou… Don’t. We’re a family and we love you and Lyra, we love your family. We will always support you and love you. We will always support Harry and love him too. And if either of you ever made us pick, we wouldn’t because we love you both so much.” 

“I know. I just don’t think I say it enough but, I thank you guys so much. You and Zayn spent three days at my place when Lyra got really sick so that I could sleep.  You guys have been there through so much with her and me and the shit I dealt with in my life. I really owe you guys a lot and I don’t know what I would do without you.” 

“You’d be fine without us, Louis. You’re a strong ass person and I think you can overcome anything if you really want to.” Niall smiled at Louis and squeezed his hand back. “Now, enough sap talk. We’re seeing Harry tonight for the first time in like, years? I mean I just saw him the other day, we had a Narry slumber party! But I mean, you two, all of us together.” 

Louis nodded, “Yeah. It’s… I mean, I’m kind of excited honestly.”    
  
Niall smiled at that before taking the last sip of his soda. Louis wiped his hands off on a napkin and tossed it on top of the crust from his grilled chicken sandwich and leaned on to the table with his elbows. “Well, I got to go pack a bag for Lyra, she’s going to stay over at her mate’s place for the weekend. 

“Alright, I’ll see you tonight when we get there. Thanks for lunch, I was starving.” They both stood up and parted with hugs.    
  
When Louis got home he grabbed a small overnight bag from the hall closet and went to Lyra’s room and grabbed the sleep clothes she used for sleepovers. He also got her an extra pair of clothes for the next day. After a moment he decided to give her two sets of clothes in case she stayed an extra night, which sometimes happened. He grabbed her One Direction blanket she was in love with, Louis being amazed it hadn’t fallen apart yet. The image was of all the guys and it was one of the first photos they took as a group to be put on items. He hated it, but he also loved it. He’d had it saved and stored it away with other memorabilia and she’d found it and fell in love with it. He grabbed her pillow and tossed it on top of her bag with the folded blanket and looked around the room for her charger. He didn’t like her having a phone but he liked the comfort of her having a way to reach him at any moment if she needed him too. 

After he got everything ready he grabbed the items and headed out the door to pick her up from school. She went to a different school than her friend, who got out thirty minutes after Lyra did. Louis took her to get some ice cream and listen to her talk about her day, talk about a girl in class that she talked about a lot. After a while, she got a text from her friend telling her that she and her mum were home and she could come over whenever she was ready. Lyra was ready to go and getting out of her seat before she even finished reading her text. Louis rolled his eyes and got up, clearing the table of trash and followed her to the car. Once he dropped her off he looked at the clock in his car and figured he had enough time to go home, grab a shower and relax for a few minutes before Harry would show up. Niall had sent a text saying Zayn said he would likely be a little early, which made Louis breath out a sigh of relief. He may have been excited to see Harry, he did not want to be alone with him though. 

 

**≿❈≾**

Louis was currently splayed out on the black leather sofa, his hair slightly damp and his hand on his bare stomach. He’d taken a shower and grabbed a pair of oversized thin grey joggers and pulled them on while he was barely dry. He flopped down on the sofa and closed his eyes. He’d checked the time and had over an hour and a half to rest before he needed to change. Before his shower, he’d put away anything that showed signs of him having a daughter. He didn’t worry about photos because the ones he had were her and his siblings. And in a few, they had friends with them too. The more personal photos were in her room for her to see. Or in photo albums. A few that really meant a lot to him were in his bedroom. Harry wouldn't be going in there so Louis didn't bother. Nothing really stood out at his being a parent. 

He yawned as he slid down further on to the leather sofa, his eyes closed and face turned into the black leather. He was just dozing back off when the buzz of his gate startled him and he groaned as he sat up. He went over and pressed the button that would allow entry, assuming it was Zayn arriving earlier. Louis didn’t bother going to change just yet. He’d let Zayn in and then go get dressed. 

Louis got up and tugged up the joggers that were riding low on his hips, he glanced down and sighed because of all the pair he could have grabbed, he grabbed the ones that might as well not even be on his body. They left little to the imagination and were so thin he should just toss them. He shrugged because it was just Zayn. He heard a knock at the door and walked over, opening it and immediately turning away expecting Zayn to walk. Only he didn’t hear anything at all. He glanced over his shoulder to start to tell Zayn he’d be right back. Only the words fell off his tongue and he halted, turning around and blinking a few times.

“Harry.” 

“Louis,” Harry responded, his eyes trailing down Louis’ naked torso and lingering on the joggers. 

Louis cleared his throat, “I didn’t expect you to be here so early. I thought you were Zayn.”   
  
“Do you always answer the door for Zayn wearing those joggers?”    
  
“Oh, always. Gets him riled up for Liam later.” Harry chuckled as he held out a cloth bag in his hand. 

“Where can I put this?”    
  
“Oh, kitchen. Help yourself yeah, I’m going to go put something else on.” He pointed towards the kitchen as he spoke before he quickly turned and left the room. Hearing Harry mumbles a faint, ‘shame’ as he left. 

He rolled his eyes and went into the bedroom and found a pair of cut off thicker joggers and pulled them on before grabbing a t-shirt and tugging it on. He headed back into the living area and leaned on the bar, watching as Harry sat his stuff out on the counter by the sink. Harry turned around and jumped slightly when he saw Louis. He offered a shy smile and it made Louis beam.

“You going to come and hug me or what?” Louis offered and watched as Harry hurried around the bar to him, not hesitating to pull Louis into a tight hug.    
  
Harry wrapping himself around Louis felt like so many different things colliding all at once. The way he smelled, the way he felt, the way he held Louis. It was all so much at once and it was startling. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry, pressing his fingers into the fabric of Harry’s white shirt. There was so much comfort in the hug, in having himself wrapped up in Harry, like coming home after a long day and feeling the stress just drift from your body as you close the front door. He felt comfortable and at home and he felt scared, so scared. 

Louis was scared because he’d missed this. Missed Harry hugging him the way only Harry does. Tightly and securely with his palms flat on his back, pulling him into him. He took a deep breath and let it out as they separated, Harry’s chin-length hair slightly curled. It was also still damp, and Louis reached up and tugged at a curl and smiled at Harry who returned it. 

Harry smiled at him before turning and heading back into the kitchen. The moment was over nearly as fast as it had started. Over far too soon, Louis wanted it back. He shook the thought from his mind and watched as Harry began to look through his cabinets as if he lived there. Once Harry found what he needed he began to prepare everything to cook it all up and Louis watched him. He watched the way his shoulders slouched as he cut up the mushrooms. He watched the way he popped his hip out as he began to saute the veggies. The way he’d arch his back as he stood there cooking and Louis knew that Harry’s back was tensing up from standing there. He almost went over to him to rub his thumbs into the small of Harry’s back like old times. _ Almost _ . 

They didn’t talk for the next half hour, Harry humming to himself, mumbling to himself as he cooked and Louis watching intently before wandering off to tidy up Lyra’s room.  He needed to keep himself busy and he needed the guys to hurry and get there. Thankfully for him, that moment was coming sooner rather than later and he heard the buzz of his gate. He got up and headed through the living area towards his door and pressed the button to unlock it. He opened his front door and stepped out, seeing all three of them walking up the steps to his apartment. 

He took a deep breath. “He’s here already.”    
  
Zayn stopped abruptly causing Niall to walk into his back. Niall cursed under his breath before he looked up to see Louis standing there. 

“Oh man, mate, you should have rung us,” Liam said, walking around Niall and Zayn.

“Yeah well, I got distracted anyway. He’s here and he’s taken over my kitchen and I needed air so. Go--” he waved his hand around and sighed. “Go like do something with him, this is very overwhelming.” 

Liam patted Louis on the shoulder and headed into the apartment, Louis could hear him greet Harry loudly and he sat down on the top step and ran his hand through his hair. 

“Are you going to be okay?” Niall asked, looking down at Louis. He looked like a sad puppy. 

“Yeah, no I just really need a moment is all. It’s a lot to take in.” Niall nodded and headed into Louis’ place, kicking the door closed behind him. 

Louis looked over at Zayn who was leaning against the brick wall, one foot on the step beside Louis’ thigh. He laughed and shook his head before clasping his hands together between his knees. 

“What am I going to do?” Louis asked, looking out at some kids in a common area play with a jump rope. 

“Breathe and take it one step at a time. All you can do is just that.” 

Louis sat quietly for a moment, he blinked a few times before looking over at Zayn. “I didn’t know how much I missed him until now.” 

“It makes sense, mate. You guys had so much together and it was more than being a couple. You were best friends first and lovers second. You two just stopped it abruptly.” 

Zayn was right because of course he was and it was something Louis was very aware of. He knew how good of friends he and Harry had become first. How deep their friendship was rooted and how close their own families had grown. But he has to wonder who bears the blame for the lack of communicating. Him or Harry, or was it both? Louis was quick to blame himself but remembers that Harry wasn’t jumping to contact him either. But Louis was afraid he’d hurt Harry. He’d hurt him because he slept with him one more time and three hours later he knocked up a girl. If the tables were turned, he’d be angry and it would hurt a whole lot. 

“I don’t want to hurt him, Zayn.” Louis looks up at Zayn who sighs and nods.

“I know, babes. Let’s just go in and have this dinner. Liam has some things to tell us and we need to have a talk about everything currently going on.” 

Louis nodded, “Yeah, alright.”  And he slowly gets up, turning to open the front door and is hit with the smell of food and the sound of three voices going at once. It’s like old times and he takes a deep breath, letting Zayn go first.

Louis follows Zayn inside and quietly closes the front door. He hears Zayn greeting Harry and turns to find Niall leaning on the bar, picking at some mushrooms that Harry had fried. When he looks over at Harry and Zayn, they’re wrapped up in a hug, swaying gently and Louis can’t help but smile at them. He can see the look on Zayn’s face and it makes him feel all warm inside. He huffs out a quiet laugh and stands there by the front door. Stands there and takes in the noise of Liam scolding Niall for picking at the food, of Harry telling Liam to leave him alone. It’s all so familiar. 

Louis’ stomach twists with warmth, with excitement because this moment right here is one of his new favourite moments. He wonders why he ever kept it from being a regular thing. Why he didn’t try to keep Harry in his life also so that they could all do this. And then his phone vibrates in his pocket and he remembers why as he opens the text message. A picture of Lyra and her blanket with a smile on her face. A simple, I love you added as a caption. He smiles at his phone and is pulled back into the reality of things as he hears everyone laughing loudly. 

Louis looks up from his phone to find Harry looking over at him. Half a smile on his face and bright eyes watching Louis. And for a split second, it’s almost like all those years hadn’t come to pass just yet. He lets himself stay in this moment with Harry. The two of them with eyes locked on each other, standing quietly while the world around them keeps moving. Niall’s laughter filtering in the back of Louis’ mind like it’s being muffled. Louis blinks once, twice and pulls his attention back to the others. The sound comes back to him quickly like he was driving through a tunnel and was suddenly hit with the brightest of lights. And like that, one glance at Harry and he sees Harry talking to Zayn and just like that, the moment is gone.

Dinner goes well and they all sit on the sofa an hour later with stomachs full and feet on Louis beat up the coffee table. Lyra keeps begging him to get a new one but he loves that coffee table. It’s had all their feet on it off and on for years. Niall showed up at his home in London one day with it. And it just stuck with him since. Besides, Louis knows if he gets a new one he can’t put his feet on it. It’s the designated footrest and he likes it. He’s got his head tilted to the side with his arms crossed over his stomach, legs stretched out on the coffee table as Niall and Harry bicker about something that happened. Two different versions of one story, Louis smiles to himself and feels Liam nudge him. His eyebrow is raised and he realises he’s been staring at Harry.    
  
“Zoned out.” He whispers and Liam nods, a slight smirk on his face and Louis wants to smack that smirk off Liam’s face. Someday he will too. But not today.

They sit around talking, mostly about old times and when Niall says just that, Louis laughs at him and remarks how it makes them sound like they’re old. When his eyes drift over to Harry, he’s looking at Louis intensely and Louis’ taken back for a moment. He glances away and finds Zayn has started a new discussion and Louis focuses on that instead.

“Alright so, the elephant in the room. We need to discuss this and I know none of us wants to but…” Zayn trails off and Liam clears his throat. Louis raises an eyebrow. 

“Simon’s funeral is in a few weeks and we are expected to be there.” Niall blurts out and both Harry and Louis get up, saying no at the same time. 

“We have to, we literally would never have met if it wasn’t for him. Now, I know you both had your share of troubles but -” 

“No. Not troubles, Liam. Hell, we had hell with Simon. You and Zayn got to stay private about your relationship. You had to hide it and have beards, all the fun stuff like us but no, you two didn’t get told to pick between your career or your boyfriend.” 

“Wait, what?” Harry asked, looking over at Louis in concern. 

Oh, right, Louis thought. One of the few things he never shared with Harry was how he was told he would be removed from the group and it was in his contract that they could do such a thing at any time they saw fit. So he told them he would break it off with Harry and agreed to a long term beard, letting engagement rumours go around. In the meantime, he and Harry just learned new ways to sneak around.  It was hard on their relationship and one of the few times they both actively ended up avoiding each other. 

“I never told you. But, yeah. I just agreed to their bullshit and tried to hide us even more.” 

Harry frowned more, Louis sighed loudly. It was shit, to be honest. He sat back down with a heavy thud. “I am not going to that asshole’s funeral unless I can piss all over him.”

“Well, you can’t do that. But the thing is, when his stupid team says jump, we ask how high. Remember?” Liam spoke, turning his body towards Louis. 

Harry was still standing over by the television, his arms crossed. Louis nodded, “Yeah I know but this is fucked. I am not going to pretend to mourn someone.” 

“We have to be respectful, he had a son and he may actually be hurting right now. Let’s do this for him at least?” Harry offered and Louis knew he was trying to get Louis to just do it, even though a moment ago he was reacting the same way. 

The difference between Harry and Louis was that Harry would react then rethink. Louis would react and keep that point of view unless someone could change it for him. And this was once again likely the case in which Harry was going to talk Louis into something. Not for the first time and Louis tries to not smile at the dozens of memories that flitter through the back of his mind. 

In the end, it doesn’t take much more from Harry for Louis to agree to go. Liam says he’ll buy the tickets and they all agree to stay at Liam’s in London. Harry has slowly migrated over to Louis and is sitting where Liam was before he got up to call someone. Louis runs over a list of things to do and remembers Lyra and he realises he has to figure out what to do with her. He needs to travel alone, he doesn’t want Harry to know yet because he doesn't want to hurt him, not yet. Louis looks over at Harry who’s scrolling through the weather on his phone and he looks up at his face and suddenly feels sick. He stands up and waves pathetically. 

“I have to lay down. Harry, it was great seeing you again. You other three, same and all that. I just... leave whenever you want I have to lay down.” He quickly turns away and heads to his bedroom, slamming the bedroom door shut behind him. He flops down on his large bed and sighs, pulling the blankets up between his arms. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, counting to ten before he let it out. This was all too much, too fast and he wasn’t sure how to handle it. 

Harry was in his living room and Simon has passed and well, this was never something he expected. He chuckles to himself and sniffs, holding back the emotion that will unlock the flow of tears that are threatening to spill over. He isn’t sad for Simon, he doesn’t give two shits about him. He’s sad for those who do though because he understands. He’s sad that it took this for him to contact Harry after a decade of absolutely nothing. He’s sad that after all this is over, it’s likely to go back to the way it was before because he has to tell Harry about Lyra and he knows once he does the math that it’s going to sting. 

He closes his eyes, burying his face into his blankets and calms himself. The mental mantra of counting to ten and starting again on repeat until he slowly begins to fall asleep. He isn’t sure how long he was sleeping before a knock at his door startles him. He wipes the drool from his chin as he sits up.   
  
“Come in.” He murmurs in a half daze, looking around the room to try and figure out what time it is. 

The bedroom door opens to Harry standing there with concern written all over his face. “I did the dishes, cleaned up and put everything away for you.”    
  
Louis frowns and pulls his phone from his pocket. It’s one in the morning. “Harry, it’s almost one. Did it take you that long?”    
  
Harry shrugs one shoulder, “The guys kind of hung around for another hour. Then they left and I said I was going to do the dishes and leave. I just thought I should check on you.” 

He doesn’t answer Louis’ question though and Louis knows he must have been sitting out there for a while before he gave in and came to talk to Louis. He moved over and nodded towards his bed. “Sit if you want.”

Harry hesitates for a moment, pushing off the door frame and glancing around Louis’ room. It’s pretty dark in there except for the plugged-in night light by the bathroom door. The reason that is there at all is because Lyra sneaks into his room sometimes and is afraid of the dark still. He walks over to Louis and sits down beside him. Their elbows bump in the darkroom and Louis sighs a bit louder than he’d intended. He can feel Harry’s body heat radiating against him and he closes his eyes. They sit there in comfortable silence. Side by side, for who knows how long. Nothing said between them, yet so much that should be said, that needed to be said. 

Louis can feel Harry’s hand sitting between them and he looks down and in the soft yellow glow of the nightlight he can see Harry’s hand, palm down and fingers digging into his blanket. Louis slowly moves his hand down between them and drags his pinky over Harry’s. He watches Harry relax his hand, spreading his fingers apart and Louis slips his pinky around Harry’s. He focuses on the open bedroom door instead of Harry and takes slow and steady breaths. Deep breath in, deep breath out. They continue to just sit there together until Harry moves, startling Louis. His hand is now holding Louis’ and his body has turned, facing him slightly. Louis turns his focus towards Harry and half his face is in a shadow. 

Louis wonders how soon is too soon as he notices Harry is leaning in. How soon is too soon to kiss him again? To feel Harry’s dry lips once more on his own, feel his breath flush across his lips as they slowly part, as they separate and look into each other eyes. Is now too soon for all of that? Should he stop him? He doesn’t want to stop him, he wants to lean in and meet him halfway there. So he does just that, he leans in and meets him, their lips touching somewhere in the middle. And at that moment a flicker of something taps in the back of Louis’ mind. Is it guilt? Or is it pleasure? Hope? He isn’t sure but he is sure about one thing. He doesn’t want Harry to move away and break this kiss. He wants him to move his hand to Louis’ jaw like he use to do, cradling it and smoothing his thumb over the rough patch of his beard low on his cheek as he deepens the kiss. 

Harry does just that as he deepens the kiss, as his tongue brushes along the seam of Louis’ lips and Louis sighs as he parts his lips to let Harry in. He wants to lay back on the bed and have Harry blanket him with his weight as he kisses him hard, causing him to lose his breath, lose his mind. But he doesn't move for fear he may startle Harry and cause this to end far sooner than Louis wants. Also though, Louis is very much aware of what is happening and how this may not be a good idea. He moans against Harry’s lips when he feels his other hand at his hip, his thumb beneath his shirt and the weight of his tongue against his. Harry slips a hand fully beneath Louis’ loose shirt and reality sucks him back down to earth. Louis tries to cling for a few more minutes with Harry, tuning out the logical thinking that is slowly working its way into the forefront of his mind. 

Harry is shifting on the bed as Louis moves a hand over Harry’s tight jean clad thigh, up to the inner seam of his jeans between his legs. Louis feels warmth tingle across him as he tries to shut the logic out. He wishes he had a mute button for the thoughts that are telling him to abort. He wants to touch Harry. Feel him in his hand, against his lips, and against his body. He wants to draw pants and moans from him, he wants to make him feel good.  _ Just one more time, just like old times. _ Their panting against each other’s lips now as they take quick breaks between deep kisses, between the moments as their hands move to places they shouldn’t. Louis’ hand is on the bulge between Harry’s legs, hard and warm against his touch and he moans as he nips Harry’s bottom lip. Harry’s fingers dig into his side, likely leaving bruising marks as Louis pushes his palm against him, rubbing and eliciting soft groans in the kiss. 

His mind is muted as he moves his hand, as Harry moves to his neck and sinks his teeth into the skin beneath his ear. Louis opens his eyes and gasps, squeezing between Harry’s legs. The thoughts that tell him this isn’t okay, this is too soon. Stop before you go too far have quieted down. He closes his eyes and falls back onto the bed, pulling Harry with him, between his legs. Louis wraps his legs around Harry as he grinds against him causing sweet friction in his loose joggers. Louis sucks on his bottom lip as Harry’s lips kiss across his throat. He needs to find release, and it needs to be with Harry. Fuck the logical thoughts, what's one more time before he fades back into the depths of Louis mind and out of his life again? Louis moans Harry’s name as he grinds down just right, their cocks aligning in the confines of clothing. He’s hard and he needs this, needs this like he needs air. He needs Harry. He’s always needed Harry, what a sneaky thought that snakes it’s way up front and Louis’ eyes shoot open as he gasps. 

His phone begins to ring, a high pitched noise that almost hurts his head. He knows that ring and reality slams back into him like a ton of bricks and he pushes Harry off, grabbing his phone out of breath. Harry crawls back to the foot of the bed, clears his throat before looking around the room. Louis answers, trying to calm himself as he does.  He paints a smile on his face in hopes that he sounds normal. 

“Hello?” He speaks into the phone, watching as Harry adjusts himself. 

“I had a nightmare.” The small voice on the other end speaks with sniffles and Louis closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them again it’s to see Harry’s retreating form. 

“Want to come home? Or do you want to tell me about it?” Louis asks Lyra. He’s dealt with this before. It won’t be the last time, she doesn’t like the dark. Her friend loves the dark. 

“I want to stay, but I wanted to talk to you. Her mom gave me a flashlight though. So I have that.” She says quietly, Louis assumes she is in the bedroom with her friend who is likely sleeping.

“You’ll be alright, love. You know what to do right? Count to ten and take deep breaths, think happy thoughts. Nothing can hurt you. But I can come and get you if you need me to.” 

He can hear her yawn on the other end and that’s a good sign, she fights her yawns when she doesn’t want to sleep. “I want to stay, Daddy. I’ll try to sleep. I can do this, I am a big girl. Daisy sent me funny photos to look at before I sleep.”    
  
Louis smiles, “Call me if you need me okay?”    
  
“I will. I love you.” She says, sleep filling her voice.

“I love you, too.” They say goodbye and he sets his phone down on the bedside table. He turns on the lamp and gets up, leaving his room.

He isn’t sure what he will find, but he wasn’t honestly expecting to find Harry wiping down the bar in the kitchen. He’s so focused on it. He watches him for a moment, watches the way he pays attention to one specific spot. Louis is sure it’s the spot where he burnt the marble counter with a cigarette once while drunk. He walks over to the bar, and leans on it, watching as Harry stops and looks at him.

“Figured you would have left.” Louis reaches out to pick at the cigarette burn on the marble countertop. 

Harry turns towards the sink, turning on the faucet to rinse out the rag he was using. Once he’s done he lays it over the faucet. He turns, crossing his arms and leaning against the edge of the sink, a one-shoulder shrug. “Felt I should wait to say goodbye. I didn’t want to seem rude.” 

“It wouldn’t have been rude.” Louis looked over at the clock on the microwave. It’s five after two and he doesn’t know where the time went. Last he knew it was one and Harry was in his doorway and now it’s five after two. He looks over at Harry who is looking at him. 

His eyebrows are knitted and he blinks a few times. Louis watches him breathe in and out, slowly. His chest rising and falling and he has a fleeting memory of laying in bed and watching Harry’s chest rise and fall in his sleep. It’s gone before as quickly as it came and he meets Harry’s eyes.

“We shouldn’t have done anything,” Harry says and Louis knows this. He’s very aware of this. That logical part of his mind is reminding him that Harry, once again, is right. It isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last. Well, Louis thinks. Maybe the last for him. 

He shrugs, “Do you regret it?” 

Harry licks his lips, pulling his bottom lip into his mouth before shaking his head. “I never have regretted it. Why would I start now?” 

“Because of eleven years.” 

It’s Harry’s turn to shrug now, “We can make it a thing.” He has a stupid grin on his face. Louis wants to kiss it away. 

“It’s too soon,” Louis says instead of acting on that thought. 

Again with the shrug, he glares at Harry. “I’m sorry if I want you.”    
  
Louis sighs this time and walks around into the kitchen and up to Harry. They’re close and he can smell the faint smell of Dr. Pepper on Harry’s breath. Louis narrows his eyes, “You drank one of my sodas.” 

Harry’s lip twitches. “I was thirsty and you were asleep.” 

Louis hums and pushes up just slightly and kisses Harry. It’s a solid hard kiss on his lips and Harry immediately grips his waist, pulling him in and deepens the kiss. He once again takes the lead and Louis debates being an ass and making him fight for it but quickly gives in when he feels Harry’s knee push between his legs. He offers a soft moan into the kiss instead. 

Like last time the logical part of his mind peeks around the corner, reminding him in a steady chant that this should stop. He should stop and pull away, send Harry on his way. 

Instead, he feels the pressure of Harry’s knee against him and he digs his fingers into Harry’s arms. Harry’s hands wander to the front of his joggers, one hand sliding past the waistband. He sighs into the kiss and scratches down the back of Harry’s arm. His mind going around and around, telling him to stop. Telling him to go. He doesn’t know what to do when he feels Harry’s hand wrap around him. He doesn’t know anything right now, just that the grip is tight and it feels just right and he breaks the kiss and bites Harry’s shoulder. He’s trying to stop the mental battle going on in his head. Trying to shut the logic up and just let this happen. Telling himself what will it hurt to let Harry get him off? Just this once, just one more time. He closes his eyes and moans into Harry’s shoulder.

“We need to stop.” Louis forces out, a muffled moan trying to follow the words out of his mouth. He feels Harry slow his pace on his cock and he opens his eyes. He can see their reflection in the small decorative mirror above the sink, his own blue eyes peering back at him. 

“Why do we need to stop? We’re both adults.” Harry responds with his thumb slowly dragging across the tip and Louis licks his lips and pulls back, he grabs Harry by the wrist and sighs. 

“I don’t want there to be any regret. It’s been eleven years, Harry. The last time we saw each other this happened and then we never spoke again. I don’t want to go down that road again. I can’t handle that road again. I hate it and I never want to be without you again.” He bites his bottom lip, huffing out a puff of air through his nose. He’s standing rock hard in his kitchen and he hates it. 

He watches as Harry takes a deep breath, bringing his hand up to cup his cheek. His thumb slides across it softly, back and forth in a soothing motion. Louis tilts his head into Harry’s palm. 

“I don’t want it either.” Louis snorts. That’s all he has to say? He’s not standing in a kitchen with a boner about to cry. 

“That is all you have to say? I have a fucking boner and I am on the verge of tears. I want you to leave. But I also want you on your knees. I want you to walk out my door as you did eleven years ago and-” Louis takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, he can’t look at Harry and be honest. But he has to. He opens his eyes and meets wide green eyes staring into him. He’s sure Harry can see his soul, read his thoughts. “I want you to take me to my room and fuck me into my bed. I want to feel you all over me, I want to be wrapped up in you but this can’t happen. The only thing that can happen is you going home, and we see each other in London.” He watches as Harry looks down, his hands pushed into the tight pockets of his jeans. 

“Is it too soon?” Harry asks and Louis glances at the stove for something to do. He looks back at Harry.

“I think it will always be too soon, Harry.”    
  
Harry’s frowning now and Louis doesn’t like it, he reaches up and runs his thumb over Harry’s bottom lip. Harry grabs his wrist and runs his fingers over Louis’ palm. 

“I think we should talk about this some more, some other time when it’s not nearing three in the morning. Or whatever the time is.” Harry responds, lightly scratching Louis’ palm. 

“You’re right, you should head home.” 

“What if we just, like old times sake?” Harry offers instead and Louis sighs. 

“Is that all you want from me, Harry?” Louis asks and he pulls his hand back, unsure what he is feeling now.

“No. I’m being an ass and letting my dick do the talking. I want all of you in every way possible. But, I think we need to work to get there. ” 

“What if we meet in the middle?” Harry raises his eyebrow in interest so Louis continues, “Let’s go to bed and go to sleep. Wake up and find out Liam’s plans and just take it one step at a time. We have to talk, we need to talk and right now I am torn between asking you to blow me and crying. I am so overwhelmed by you being here. All I want is to lay beside you and count your breaths while you sleep.” 

Harry nods and pushes off the counter, motioning for Louis to lead the way. He glances at the front door and notices it’s locked and he smiles to himself. They walk to his bedroom, he pushes his cut off joggers off before pulling his shirt off. He watches as Harry hesitates, glancing at him before he starts to undress. Once he’s in just his pants he shifts his weight and watched Louis for a moment. Louis smiles at him and that seems to ease his concern because he climbs into the bed next to Louis and lays down on his back. Louis watches his chest slowly rise and fall and reaches out, laying his palm on the butterfly tattoo. Harry looks over at him and blinks a few times before smiling. 

“I promise you, Louis. I wasn’t coming here with the intent to try and get in your pants. It’s not what I’m after. My intent was to cook for you all and go home.” Louis smiles at him. He believes him because even if he hasn’t spoken to Harry in eleven years, he still believes that isn’t like Harry. 

“I know. Can you turn off the lamp?” Louis responds and lightly scratches the butterfly tattoo before pulling his hand away. He watches as Harry nods and sits up some to turn off the lamp. They’re pushed into semi-darkness and he can still see Harry. He’s looking over at Louis and Louis watches him for a moment before he sits up and leans over, kissing Harry softly on the lips. 

It’s gentle, soft. Their lips just touching, not moving and Louis closes his eyes. He wants to pull Harry into him. Instead, he listens to himself this time and pulls back with a small smile and lays down. He closes his eyes. He drifts away to a dreamless sleep before long and wakes up in the morning to an empty bed. A note on the pillow from Harry. It’s letting him know that he is once again sorry for how he acted the night before. He had to go to a meeting and hopes they can meet up and talk, actually talk like grown adults and not like teenagers sneaking behind the school during lunch. Louis smiles at it and reaches for his phone on the bedside table. He sends a quick text to Harry to let him know it was okay and that he was free anytime to have the grown-up talk he is asking for.    
  
Louis is aware that this means he needs to tell Harry about Lyra, he knows it has to happen especially if he wants to keep Harry in his life, even if they never kissed again, he’d be happy just to have him around again. 

 

**≿❈≾**

The hailstones clattered to the ground like marbles spilt from a box.  The thunder rumbled around him as Louis sat on the concrete steps outside his front door. He could hear the distant giggles of two children as they’d run out and snatch the small marbles of hailstones and run back to their porch in between the claps of thunder. The rain was heavy, visibility was low. He remembers doing the same thing a few times as a child, a small smile crosses his face as he brings his mug up to his lips, tilting it to sip at the warm liquid. A cup of tea and a dash of whiskey. He shivers at himself in slight disgust. 

Lightning flashed across the sky as Louis sat his half-empty mug down and pulled out a cigarette. He brought it to his lips and sat there for a moment, the unlit cigarette sticking to his chapped lips as he thumbed at the peeling price label on his lighter. His focus was on the rain and the hailstones as they fell, bouncing in the grass and on the street. It looked like it had snowed. He sighed, bringing the lighter up and lighting his cigarette. He inhales deeply, closing his eyes and letting the smoke out through his nose.  He doesn’t smoke as much as he used to. He would like to say he had a big revelation of why he stopped when in reality, he just got tired of doing it. He kept a pack around though for times like now, times when he needs to think and clear his head. 

It had been three days since Louis saw Harry for the first time in nearly twelve years. Three days since they rutted against each other and kissed until their lungs ached. Three days until he woke up to an empty bed and a note, kind of like how it ended the last time. He’d texted Harry a full twenty-four hours after and asked if he wanted to hang out. He didn’t get a reply and well, Louis wasn’t that surprised to be honest. 

He’d sent Lyra to spend a few days with Lottie since she was out of school for a few days and he felt that he just needed some time to himself. Lottie lived a few streets from him and he was happy for that because it allowed a place for Lyra to go, it allowed a female presence in her life besides her own Mum. She was going to take her to school when it started again. He was going to use this time to think things over. He had gone through different phases of emotions and thoughts. They ranged from wanting to call Harry and yell at him, to trying to convince himself that Harry had only been looking to get off that night and didn’t give two fucks about Louis. He was still torn on if he believed that because part of him did believe it, sadly. He tried to tell himself that Harry would never be that type of person which would calm Louis’ nerves a bit only for Louis to remind himself that he didn’t know Harry like he once had, that a person can change in the time they hadn't spoken.

Louis thought about the years that had passed, realising his daughter would be turning twelve in a few months. His daughter is going to be twelve. That was a whole other crisis for him, he could only handle one at a time and he was sure at thirty-five he didn't need any. He snorted in amusement as he thumped ash off his cigarette. Half a pack went in a span of four hours. He already had grey hair, what's a couple of mental crises to add to the list of things to stress over at thirty-five? He put the cigarette out in an old coffee tin he kept dirt in and leaned back on his hands, closing his eyes and inhaling the humid night air. It was muggy and his clothes felt like they were sticking to him. He thinks he should get up and go inside but he’s spent hours out here. Hours away from the phone and people. As alone as he could get without actually having to spend money. 

Louis yawns as he leans forward, pulling his legs up from their straightened out position on the concrete stairs and tucks his hands into his lap before he lays his head on his knees and closes his eyes. He lets out a heavy sigh and yawns once more. The sky is painted in darkness, stars one by one dotting it up in faint white spots. He opens his eyes and looks over the yards, the few homes with lights on. The occasional dog barking in the distance and cars driving by. He leans forward a little bit, trying to see the stars and fails. Louis stands up and slowly walks down the stairs with bare feet. He tugs up his joggers a little as he walks through a puddle at the bottom step where the pavement dips and pushes open his gate. 

He walks over to the grassy area, bare feet stepping into puddles, mud splashing up between his toes. He looks down at his feet, wiggling his toes some in the cold muddy grass and smiles to himself before he looks up at the sky. He can barely see any stars, a few here and there dancing above him. He can’t see much and it pulled at his heart, a tug that made him feel homesick. He misses the stars, he misses sitting outside at night and saying each one by name that he recognised. Remembers telling Harry all the facts that he knew. 

  
  


**⋆⋅☆⋅⋆**

  
_ “Lyra can be easily picked out because it contains Vega, at zero magnitude, it’s the second brightest star visible from the northern hemisphere. Vega is also part of the summer triangle, formed with Deneb and Altair.” Louis said, glancing over at Harry. The blanket beneath them was covered in crumbs from sandwiches they shared with each other.  _

_ Harry had said he wanted to have a picnic once, so Louis gave him a picnic, but not just any picnic. He took him out as far as he could and gave him a picnic beneath the stars.  _

_ Harry hummed softly before he met Louis’ eyes in the dark. “If we ever adopt, we should name our kids after those stars.”  _ __  
__  
_ Louis snorted, “I am never naming my kid Deneb.”  _ __  
__  
_ Harry smiled, “I like Vega and Altair, we should get some dogs and name them that.”  _ __  
__  
_ Louis leaned over and kissed Harry softly. “We can have as many dogs as you want.” _ __  
__  
_ “What about cats?” Harry asked, lips moving towards Louis’ jaw. _ __  
__  
_ “How about no.” He pulled Harry back on the blanket and closed his eyes.  _ __  
_  
_ __ If he had to stay in a moment, living it on repeat for eternity, he would single-handedly pick this moment right here and now. The moment where he knows he was so very much in love with Harry, where he knew that he never wanted to leave him. Even at twenty-three.

  
⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

 

Louis frowns and digs his toes into the mud, he wants to see the stars, wants to call them out one by one by their names. Spit out little facts even if he knows he’s repeating himself over and over again.    
  
“Most stars are red dwarfs. And the biggest stars would engulf Saturn.” He snorts at himself as he speaks to no one. Blinking up at the dark sky that is rather starless to him due to the light pollution of the city, and the lingering clouds from that evening’s storms. 

Louis closes his eyes and continues to speak out loud, to himself as if he wasn't alone. As if he wasn’t some man standing in joggers and a shirt with holes in it barefooted at night, spouting stuff about space. 

“One of the most massive stars we know of is Eta Carinae, located about eight-thousand light-years away.” He mumbles it quietly this time. Opening his eyes and licking his dry lips. He remembers that night with Harry beneath the stars as if it was yesterday. 

He always remembers it. Always reminds himself that it was a year to the date almost that he would lose Harry. Lose him in every way possible, every way that could hurt him so much. Louis groans and turns around, walking back to his apartment with his shoulders slumped. He slams his gate a little too hard behind himself as he stomps up the stairs, his muddied feet leaving footprints halfway up before the wetness of the wet grass and mud has dried away. He opens his front door and slams it also, locking it behind himself as he goes straight to his room. He’s left pieces of drying mud through his apartment and doesn’t honestly care. He doesn’t want to care either, doesn’t want to think about anything at the moment. He just wants to disappear for a few hours, ignore the world around him and exist by himself. 

 

**≿❈≾**

Louis woke up the next morning feeling absolutely disgusting. Mud had dried on his feet, between his toes and even on the very bottoms of his joggers. There are small clumps of dirt in his bed and he sighs as he kicks at his blanket before rolling out of bed. He began to push his joggers down as he walked across the room, kicking them aside. Tugging his shirt off over his head. he tossed it behind himself before walking into his bathroom and starting the shower. Louis leaned on the counter in his bathroom, the glow of the round night light painted his face in a soft glow. He closed his eyes and looked down before opening his eyes and pushing off the counter.    
  
Louis shoved the plastic shower curtain aside and stepped inside the shower, immediately sliding down to the bottom of it and sitting with his knees pulled to his chest. He closed his eyes and tilted his head onto the tops of his knees and let the water cascade down on him like rain, letting the heat sting his skin. He felt so many things that he hadn’t felt in so long and it was throwing him off mentally. Part of Louis wanted to crawl back into bed, and part of him wanted to call Harry and yell at him. The majority of him wanted Harry to come over and sit with him quietly, side by side in silence and pass away the day.    
  
This is something they had done many times before, always so comfortable with nothing to say. Just the two of them in a quiet room, the sound of a page turning in a book Harry was reading or the scribbling of a pen as Louis wrote. It was always perfect and comfortable and always one of his favourite ways to spend the day with Harry. It was always so normal feeling, always like it was meant to be. Until it wasn’t.  Until they stopped existing together and became Louis and Harry, two separate people. Until they stopped talking and Louis watched as Harry slipped through his fingers, out of his life and off to live a life a world away without him. Louis chuckled because he had no one to blame but himself. 

He stood up and grabbed the shampoo, his pity party was over and he would work his feelings out eventually. It was a shock to suddenly feel so lonely and lost and this growing ache inside him for Harry, an ache he hadn’t felt in literally years. And it had the nerve to show up and linger. Louis cleared his throat as he started to wash his hair, scrubbing at his scalp, the shampoo tingling against his skin before he turned and tilted his head back and let the water rinse the shampoo out. 

He opened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling, sighing. He was so torn. Should he call Harry? Should he talk to him? He had to talk to him, he knows he has to do it. Maybe that should be today's plan. Call Harry and talk, get things out because he has a lot to say. He’s pretty sure Harry may have a lot to say also. 

Louis blocked out Harry for the rest of his shower, spending time washing his body and letting the water run over his skin until the tap ran cold, his palms flat on the tiled wall and the water spraying between his shoulder blades. No matter how much he pushed Harry out, the emotions stayed put. It would come in waves. Anger, sadness, content. A brief moment of acceptance before it would hit all over again. He felt stuck in this cycle and he wanted to get out of it. But at the same time, he wasn’t sure if that was the case. He was a creature of habit and his habits formed quickly and Louis was a strong person. He’s been dealt a lot in his thirty-five years of life on Earth.  

He’s lost people he never thought he would lose, lost them young and suddenly. Lost them to illness. To heartbreak. It was so easy to slip into the habit of self-pity and focusing solely on that. But he was a strong person, a strong-willed individual who was stubborn. He wouldn’t let the grief overcome him, he wouldn't let the heartbreak bring him to his knees. Louis got out of the shower and grabbed a towel, running it through his hair. If he hadn’t let the negative emotions live off of him over the last few years, he wouldn’t let them do so now. 

He tossed his damp towel over the edge of the tub and headed into the bedroom to get dressed. He sat down on the bed, damp and in the nude and took a few deep breaths. No, he told himself. No, these emotions could come but they could not stay. He had an amazing life and he was utterly happy to be where he was, to be a father. To be successful. He would push through this and he would go and have the talk with Harry because it was the right thing to do. Maybe finally telling Harry about Lyra would help him be able to move on. Because Louis never fully moved on, having had to hold this inside of him all these years. Always sitting in the back of his mind that he slept with Harry before going and sleeping with someone else. And just after they had broken up. It was such a guilt-ridden thought that he had hurt Harry and Harry was oblivious to it all. 

 

**≿❈≾**

Louis was sitting on the curb outside his apartment. He’d decided to ring Harry and He couldn’t handle that right now because if Harry had tried to make a move, Louis wasn’t sure he would be so willing to refuse. Louis snorts to himself because he is very aware he hadn’t tried to refuse Harry as much as he lets himself believe he had. But that doesn’t matter now as he watches Harry’s car pull up out front of the complex and he stands up, walking over to the passenger side to get in. 

Louis eyes Harry as he quietly gets in, buckling up and pulls his phone out. Lyra texted him a photo of her and one of her friends, Harper. Louis sent a heart emoji back and pocketed his phone before he looked over at Harry who was tapping his thumb on the steering wheel. 

Harry cleared his throat, “Where do you want to go?” He asked and Louis shrugged. 

“Can we just drive?” Harry nodded at him and pulled away from the curb. 

As they pulled out onto the busy streets of Los Angeles, the silence was the heaviest thing between them at the moment. Neither making a move to say anything and it was slowly getting on Louis’ nerves as he shifted in his seat and pulled a foot up, tucking it beneath his other leg. He tilted his head against the black leather seat and turned his face towards Harry. He quietly studied his profile, eyes dragging along his scruff covered jaw. He reached out and ran a finger over the rough patch of hair. Harry glanced over at Louis before he pulled his hand up and rubbed his chin. Louis pulled his hand back and cleared his throat.

“So, anything new with you?”

Harry took a left turn at a light before he shrugged one shoulder, “Same ol’ same ol’. What’s going on with you? Everyone knows what I am doing. You fell off the radar.”   
  
Louis nods slowly, turning to look out the tinted passenger window, watching the people slowly pass by as they drove slowly down a busy street. “I did. Every time I did something with my name attached to it, Simon would come swooping in and it got old fast. So I started to write under a pseudonym and I work with Zayn and Liam a lot, with their artists. We just ended up all using alternative names and staying out of the limelight. All Liam had to do was attach his name to the label he’d made as support and since nothing was legally in his name, it worked.”    
  
“How’d they do that though?”    
  
“One of his sister’s husband's used his name on all the business side of it. So it was attached to Liam and who he is and all of that but because he was like a donor for helping it open and it wasn’t under his name, Simon can’t go near it. They just worked it to look like Liam supported his brother in law in starting his own label. It got the label enough attention and any artists they do sign, sign an NDA. But Liam was saying with Simon being dead now, they are thinking of voiding the NDA’s.”   
  
“But what about Syco?” Harry asked as he pulled up to a drive-thru, he pressed the down button to roll the window down and nodded at the menu, “Want anything?”    


Louis squinted and leaned over the console between them, eyeing the menu. He hummed for a moment before pointing at the menu and telling Harry what he would take. Louis waited for Harry to order before he finally responded to his question, “Well what is left of them? Nothing to worry about I think. After they closed and reopened it was under different names. I don’t think anyone in that company cares and wouldn’t expect anything to happen. Anyone else we would have to worry about is dead or too old to be an issue. Simon was the only one who wouldn’t stop being a stubborn twat about all this. Kept making sure we knew he was around.” 

Harry nodded, paying for their drinks and handed Louis his drink before he left the drive-thru. It fell quiet and Louis sat his drink in the cup holder. They drove for a while, the sound of them breathing being the only real noise, if that even counted because Louis felt like he kept holding his breath. He wanted to blurt everything out, he needed to get it out but he didn't know where to start. He didn’t want the words to come because he was scared that once they did, once those words came out it would ruin so much. He wanted Harry in his life, he wanted to be able to call him up and ask to just go hang out. He didn't want this to be temporary. It was temporary and Harry would be on his way soon enough. Fade back into his own world that didn’t include Louis in it. 

After half an hour passed Louis yawned, he needed food and he needed to talk with Harry because this was pointless and they were going in circles now, literally. 

He looked over at Harry and something inside him just ached. He swallowed as he bit his bottom lip, he isn’t sure why but the emotions he felt suddenly became too much and he had an overwhelming feeling of wanting to cry. He cleared his throat and looked away just as Harry went to glance at him. He focused on the window as he swallowed back the tears because this couldn't happen. Not right now, not so close to Harry stuck in his SUV. His mood went from fine to very overwhelmingly not fine. He suddenly missed Harry so much that it was physically hurting him right now and he looked back over at Harry, blinking a stray tear as it threatened to spill over.

Harry glanced at him as he pulled up to a red light, a blank face immediately falling. “What’s wrong?” 

“I missed you.” He didn’t mean to say the words but before he could even attempt to think of anything else, they fell from his lips and he pressed them tightly closed. 

He needed to go home. Maybe this was a bad idea. He blinked, feeling his eyes well up more and he swallowed. His bottom lip trembled and Harry immediately pulled into a parking lot and parked. He unbuckled and reached over, unclicking Louis’ seat belt and tugged him into a tight hug. 

Louis accepted it. He didn’t want to but he also did want to. It was an issue he didn’t feel like focusing on as he pressed his face into Harry’s shoulder. He felt Harry’s palm flat on his back, pushing against him to bring him in closer and he let go then, feeling wrapped up in Harry like all those years ago did something. And at this moment he just let his wall drop and he crumbled against Harry. He wasn’t going to even pretend he felt ashamed because he didn’t. He didn't feel ashamed for one moment and he didn’t see why he should. He once had promises of a forever with this man who had his arms ar0und him tightly, the way only he ever could. He once watched him fall apart with his fingers alone. Watched him begging for release that only Louis could bring him. He’s brought this man to his knees on multiple occasions. He was not going to be ashamed of crying against his shoulder in a random parking lot at four in the afternoon after not seeing him for nearly a decade. 

After a few more minutes Louis laughed and pulled back, wiping his face with his hands and looking at Harry. Harry smiled weakly, tilting his head to the side and reached out to brush a stray tear away. He pressed a gentle kiss to Louis’ forehead. Louis felt his phone buzzing in his pocket as Harry cleared his throat, wiping his bottom lip with his thumb.

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

Louis pulled his phone out, pulling open a new text from Lyra. She was upset and Louis sighed. She was wanting him to come and pick her up as soon as he could. Which was something he couldn’t do because he was currently in Harry’s suv and his car was getting new brakes. He would have to get an uber so he could go get her. He asked if a friend could do it and she sent an immediate reply No! and pleaded with him to get her now, saying she wanted to go home. She was supposed to get a ride home later. He debated calling Lottie but remembered she was working late. Another text came through, pleading once again for Louis to come and get her. Louis sighed once more and looked at Harry. He would have to call an uber and hope Harry just lets him do it.

“I can’t. I need to get an Uber and go get someone.” Harry frowned and Louis realised what he’d just said. As Harry’s mouth opened he could hear the words before they actually were spoken. 

“I can take you” Yeah, no Louis thought as he was nodding, why was he nodding? He shook his head quickly and held a hand out, putting it on Harry’s arm.

“It’s fine, really. I do it all the time.” He moved his arm away and Harry laughed. 

“Why would you order a ride when you are sitting in my car right now? Let me take you. It’s fine.” Louis felt his phone buzz again, two times meaning she sent two texts and he frowned. 

He looked down at his phone and sighed, she was upset and Harry was right so he nodded. “Alright, let me get the address.” He sent a text asking for her address and told her what car to look for. 

He grabbed Harry’s phone from the dashboard holder and put the address into the GPS before putting the phone back. Harry tilted the screen slightly and pulled out of the parking lot. Louis sent a text letting his daughter know how long it would be and asked her to not ask questions. She sent a question mark back but Louis didn’t respond. He looked over at Harry who was focused on the road ahead and traffic in front of them. He refused to be embarrassed over getting emotional. Because in the end, everything was true. It was all real, he missed Harry so much. They had been so close, connected at the hip and he never thought that it would end up this way. Never thought that in the end, he would go eleven years without Harry in his life at least in some way. Instead he watched Harry grow and succeed and he couldn’t ever hug him or tell him how happy he was for him. He just watched it unfold like everyone else in the world. 

He debated asking Harry to not ask questions also, but if he knew him like he feels he may still, he knows Harry wouldn’t ask anything in front of Lyra. He knows he’d likely not ask at all. Louis turns his attention back to the world outside, watching as the busy streets thin into a neighbourhood. As shopping bags flow into babies and dogs being walked by their owners. The suburban greenery filling the spaces of parking meters and busy shops. They slow to a stop in front of a two-story home, picture perfect with the picket fence and all. Louis pulls his phone out of his pocket to send a quick text, letting Lyra know he’s there. He looks back at Harry who’s ducked his head a little, looking up at the sky. It’s clouding up with dark grey clouds over them. A distant rumble echoing through the late afternoon air. 

He hears a knock at the door and startles, glancing out the window to see his daughter, her hair pulled up in a sloppy bun. She’s pointing at the back door and he clicks the unlock button. Watching her in the side mirror as she opens the door. 

She gets in and huffs as she buckles, her face is dirty and it’s obvious she’s cried. He wants to reach back there and hug her but she’s crossed her arms over her chest and is sulking heavily. Louis knows she isn’t going to even greet him so he lets it go. He turns his attention to Harry. Harry glances back at her before looking at Louis. His face doesn’t show any emotion and Louis isn’t sure how to take that. Harry opens his mouth a few times before he finally seems to settle on what he wants to say and Louis frowns. 

“I just have to ask, I know it’s none of my business.” Louis’ stomach sinks. Not now, now is not the time. He can’t do it right now. He clenches his fist against his thigh and closes his eyes as Harry continues. “Does she normally not wear shoes?” 

Louis’ head pops up from where he’s looking at his fingers and he unbuckles, looking over the back of the seat at her feet. “Lyra, have something you want to tell me?” 

She sniffs and looks out the window. “Look at me.” He says sternly, but he’s careful just how stern. She is upset and he doesn’t want to make it worse. But he knows her shoes had been an expensive gift from Niall.

She doesn’t budge and he sighs and holds his hand out, “Okay, give me the phone. We don’t ignore people when they talk to you, L.” 

She again doesn’t move and Louis stares at her, he knows if he keeps staring she’ll get more frustrated but he also knows she’ll give in. And like always after a few moments pass, she looks over at him, her eyes red from crying. 

“Harper stole them, and then she-” She chokes on a soft sob and sniffs, using her hand to wipe her cheek. “She shoved me into her little brother’s sandbox and threw them into the trash compactor in her kitchen and not in that order but.” 

Louis’ stomach sank as he turned to look at Harry. Harry who no longer had a neutral expression but one of anger. Louis’ emotions felt mutual, he turned his attention back to Lyra who was crying. He heard Harry shift into drive and felt the car begin to move. He looked at the house, having half a mind to jump out and go talk to Harper’s parents. He didn't know them personally but Shana had. She said they were wonderfully kind women. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time Harper herself has been an issue with Lyra recently and it started after Shana told Louis they had adopted a child her age. Louis put his attention back on his daughter and smiled weakly before he turned back around, buckling once more. He glanced at Harry who had both hands tightly on the wheel and slid his hand over to Harry’s thigh. He patted it quickly before he pulled his hand away, watching as Harry’s grip relaxed some. 

It was quiet as they slowly drove out of the suburban area and back onto busier streets, the occasional sniffles behind Louis had quieted down for the most part but his heart still ached. He didn’t ever want to see his child hurt like that. He never wanted to see her crying. 

He clears his throat and looks over at Harry. “Are you busy?” His voice was low, for Harry only. 

Harry glanced in the rearview mirror before he looked over at Louis and shook his head, “No, what is it?” 

“Can you take her, like anywhere for shoes. I don’t even care where right now. She has this thing about shoes and.” He peeks back behind him, watching as her eyes closed with her head against the tinted glass. “Niall had bought her these custom vans and they meant a lot to her. It was all associated with her name, you know? And she has one other pair at home but.” He didn’t know where he was going with this, he just knows he was talking. 

He felt Harry’s hand on his thigh and he looked over at him, Harry nodded with a small smile, “Anywhere you need me to go, I can do it.”    
  
Louis nodded and took Harry’s hand in his own. He had so many things he had to say, so many things that he should say. But in this moment, he just needed to hold Harry’s hand. He needed to be in the safe confines of his SUV with his daughter calmly napping.  He felt so overwhelmed lately. Emotions he’d been able to keep at bay for so many years. It wasn’t as if he had just locked them all up so to speak. He simply learned to move on. And in the process,  _ some  _ of those feelings just got pushed into the recesses of his mind. They slowly began to file in one by one to the front after that first night beside Harry in eleven years. And it was a lot to handle at one time. And now his baby girl was hurting and it became even more. He felt Harry lightly dig his fingers into his thigh and he put his attention back to him and nodded.

“Just, just pick somewhere. Anywhere for shoes.” Harry nodded in response and did a U-turn, likely where he wasn’t legally supposed to do so. 

They drove in silence after that, Harry’s hand back on Louis’ thigh and Louis was texting with Shana about what had happened with Lyra. She’d said she would call Harper’s parents and have a talk with one of them. As he finished responding to a text from her they pulled up to a shoe store, Harry idling at the curb as Louis started to unbuckle. He looked over at Harry and sighed. 

“I am sorry you are doing this. If you want to go, I understand and -” 

“No, stop. You go do what you need to and I’ll be out here. If I’m not, give me a moment because I likely am just circling.” Louis looked at the store window before he opened the door and got out. He looked back at Harry and nodded before he closed the door. 

He opened the back passenger side door, waking Lyra from her light slumber and watching as she rubbed her eyes. He turned his back to her, “Alright sleepy when you're ready just get on my back since you’re barefoot.” 

She mumbled something he didn’t understand before he felt her hands grip his shoulders as she got onto his back and her arms dropping down around his throat. It was almost too tight but he could make it. 

He stepped away from the curb, “Can you close the door, love?” He asked Lyra and she nodded even though he couldn’t see. She reached back for the door and shoved it closed. 

They headed into the Converse store and Louis glanced back at Harry as he squatted down just at the door for Lyra to get off his back. He held the door open for her and she walked in, her hands clasped behind her back. 

“Alright. Just get whatever you want, okay? I want you to have a few pairs, not just one and I know you hate the others at home.” Louis told her as he watched her eye a pair of yellow gold low tops. He patted her on the shoulder before lightly nudging her. Smiling a little as she beelined to the low tops and picked them up. 

He saw an employee approach her and stood back, letting her do the talking. She got her foot measured because she only really wore vans because Niall would always get her a customised pair. He knows vans sold so many different styles but seeing all they had in this store made Louis mentally thank Harry for picking the Converse shop. He would never have picked it if it had been up to him. After almost forty minutes and a quick text to Harry apologising again - but seeing his car come back into view from circling the area - Lyra approached with a sheepish look on her face. 

“What is it, love?” Louis asked as he pocketed his phone. She looked down at her feet and he sighed. 

“Well? Out with it” 

“How many can I get? I really like these. Why have we never come here?” She asks and Louis shrugs. 

“I don’t know. You always stuck with vans. How many do you have?”   
  
She looked over at a box of shoes and Louis really hoped that wasn’t her pile of maybes. She glanced back at him, “Uhm, four?” 

Louis sighed before nodding, “Yeah go ahead. But you need to do some extra chores around the house.” She nodded before wrapping her arms around his waist and squeezing him tightly. 

He didn’t like to just give her things even though he could, he wanted her to learn the value and how it was important to earn things. But he also saw no reason to not occasionally spoiling his only daughter. He watched as she rummaged through the pile of shoes and frowned because it had been hers. She set aside four boxes and looked over at Louis. He headed to her and grabbed three while she grabbed the last one, following him to the checkout. As the shoes got rung up Louis noticed two packs of socks get put into the mix. He glanced at Lyra who was pretending to focus on a lanyard hanging with some other accessories. He chose to ignore it and pretend he hadn’t seen them.    
  
Once they got back into Harry’s car, Louis asked if he can run through McDonald’s for them. Harry agreed, ending up paying for the dinner which Louis didn’t even argue with. He felt emotionally fatigued and was ready to eat and sleep. They ended up eating on the way home after Harry kept insisting they could and reminded them it would be cold if they waited. Louis didn’t argue after the first time Harry told him he could. Lyra though kept eyeing her bag, quietly taking a fry out of it. Louis watched as Harry looked at her through the rearview mirror. 

“How do you spell your name, Lyra?” Harry asked, grabbing his cup to take a sip. 

“L-y-r-a. I’m named after a constellation.” Her voice was quiet and she snuck another fry. 

“I’m Harry. I’m not named after a constellation.”

“People always pronounce my name wrong. They say Lee-ra instead of Lie-ra.” She offered as she pulled her chicken nuggets out of the bag. 

“Well, it’s a beautiful name.”  _ Thank you, _ she whispered before she began to eat her nuggets.

Louis glanced at her before looking at Harry. Harry offered a one-shoulder shrug as he continued to drive and Louis smiled at him before going back to his own food. 

 

**≿❈≾**

Harry had offered to help Louis carry the bags in since Lyra was barefooted. So Louis carried her on his back and Harry followed with the bags, Lyra yawning against Louis’ head as they went. He told her to go wash up for bed. Even though she had a couple of hours before bedtime he figured maybe she’d go a little earlier after an emotional day. He was currently sitting on the steps with Harry, the front door propped open so he could hear if Lyra needed him. He didn’t think she would but he always worried she may fall in the shower and he wouldn’t hear her. 

Louis sighed as a puff of smoke fell from his lips, he turned the cigarette in his hand to look at the glowing red end of it, bring it close to his face before he turned back around to bring it back to his lips. Harry was sitting beside him, his body pressed against Louis’ as he exhaled his own smoke into the night air. It was full on raining now when earlier it had only sprinkled. It was as if the clouds opened up and just dumped down on them, puddles forming in the grass and Harry sighed as he put the cigarette butt out in the coffee can. 

“Going to be hell going home in that. It’s so heavy.” Harry mumbled out as Louis gently put his half-smoked cigarette out, setting it by the coffee can. 

He ran his palms over his knees and looked at Harry who was staring out into the heavy rain, a frown set on his face. Louis reached over and swiped his thumb over Harry’s bottom lip. It pulled Harry’s attention from the downpour to Louis. Louis smiled weakly. 

“Today didn’t go how I had planned.”    
  
Harry hummed before licking his lips. “What did you have planned?” 

Louis looked out at the rain, the distant sound of thunder filling the air. “We need to talk. And not like about the night a while back but another night. A specific night.” 

Harry nodded, “There have been many nights, Louis”

“I know but, just we need to have a talk and it has a lot to do with that preteen residing in my apartment that costs way too much.” Louis looked over at Harry, he was rolling a small pebble between his fingers. He tossed it out into the rain, the sound of it landing on the concrete muted out by the thunder and rain. 

“She’s a beautiful person, Louis. She looks just like your sisters. The big eyes and the long hair.” Louis smiled at that. She often reminded him of one of his sisters in particular. It would bring a slight ache in his chest. 

“She’s the world to me. And, if I had to lose you all over again, do it all over again. If I knew I would end up with her, I wouldn’t even think twice.” 

Harry looked over at Louis and leaned in, kissing the top of his head softly before he pulled away and stood up. “I wouldn’t expect anything else. Call me whenever you want that talk, yeah? If not, I guess I will see you in London.” Harry tossed a wave before turning to head down the stairs, Louis watched as he jogged out of the gate and into the rain. He looked into his apartment, watching as his daughter headed down the hall and disappeared into her bedroom. 

Louis got up and headed inside, locking the door behind him as he did and turned out the lights as he went towards the hall and stopped outside Lyra’s bedroom door. It was open a little but he knocked softly on the door anyways. She told him to come in and when he entered she was sitting on her bed, brushing her hair out with an old One Direction shirt on with a pair of Louis’ basketball shorts. She always stole his clothes, having to tug the bottoms up all the time and Louis sat down beside her. 

“Are you doing okay?” He asked her as she sat the brush on the bed and looked at him.

“For now.  I thought she and I were friends.” 

“You may have been. Being friends doesn’t mean it’s always going to be nice. Sometimes things change in people's lives and they change with them.” 

“At least I have Vivi.” Lyra said as she tugged her hair up into a ballerina bun. 

“Are you going to sleep now?” Louis took the brush and got up, going over to her desk to set it down. He heard her moving behind him and looked back at her. 

“Yeah, I am tired.”    
  
Louis walked over to her as she climbed into bed and leaned down, kissing her forehead. “I love you.”    
  
“Dad, can I ask you something?” 

“What is it?” He stood up, stretching his back as he yawned. 

“Was Larry real?” Louis choked on his spit before he looked at her. 

“Wait, what?” 

“I mean you didn’t think I ever looked you up?” 

“I didn’t ever think about it, why on earth would you ask me that though?” 

She picked at her blanket and shrugged, “Well, I know what Harry looks like. I just, the way he would look at you today and…” She sighed and looked over at him. 

He shook his head, his hands on his hips. “Okay well, this isn’t a conversation for you. But yes. He and I had dated. Ages ago, it was a mess and, we’re friends now is all.”

She nodded as she laid down. “I promise I don’t go read the stories that your fans used to write about you guys.” 

Louis snorted, “Please, never go do that.”    
  
She smiled at him as he leaned down to kiss her forehead, “I hate reading so you don’t have to worry about that.” 

Louis quietly left her room, pulling the door slightly closed behind him before he headed to his room and quietly closed his own door and headed into the bathroom. He leaned his hands on the sides of the sink, looking down as he did and exhaled heavily. His shoulders dropped and he rolled his neck. He hesitated a moment before he walked to his bedroom door and made sure it was closed all the way and headed back into his bathroom, closing that door and turning on the vent fan in the bathroom before he turned on the shower. He pulled his phone from his pocket and laid it on the counter and swiped a few times before finding the name he was looking for and pressing call and the speaker button. 

Louis squatted down and opened the bottom drawer and took everything that he had inside of it out before he lifted the bottom of the drawer out and picked up a small lock box. He stood up as a rough voice answered, sounding slightly confused. 

“Harold.” He stated as he opened the lockbox and took out a small pipe and a bag of weed. He grabbed a lighter he kept in the bathroom for this reason but he played it off as he liked to light the one candle that was in there. He lit it and smiled at himself before focusing on what he had in mind. 

“Louis,” Harry responded in the same tone that he’d answered. 

“What are you doing, Harry?” 

“I just got in. Something wrong?”

Louis chuckled as he pulled the pipe to his lips. He lit the end and inhaled heavily, dropping the lighter as he did before pulling the small spiralled purple glass pipe from his lips. He looked in the mirror blinking once, twice, exhaling the heavy smoke around him. Louis swallowed and looked at his phone before he began to strip. “One time, so many years ago, wow so long ago now, fuck. We were trying to get high but, we had the stuff to do it but not anything to do it with. We were like at the height of our careers and we couldn’t just walk into some shop.” He grabs the phone and sets it on a shelf inside his shower. The one place he knows it won’t get wet. Because Louis likes to do dumb things sometimes. And sometimes that means listening to music at three am in the shower. Or talking to Harry. One or the other. 

Harry hums, a yawn following heavily behind. Louis takes it as his cue to continue, “So, I get pissed because we scored some weed but we didn’t have a way to deal with it and I was close to just eating it.”    
  
“Would have been a stupid idea.” Harry offers up and Louis nods.

“True. So, at any rate, I say fuck it. You’re with Niall in an interview, Liam is off being Liam so I grab Zayn and we find a shop. We didn’t tell anyone, just got a ride and went. We get there and walk over to a glass case and Zayn’s starting to chat up some guy about some bullshit. I spotted this spiralled purple glass pipe. And I just knew I had to get it for you. I don’t know why I wanted to get it for you. But I did. The little flecks of white on it with the spiralling purple that turned clear. So I got it. And I gave it to you.”

He steps into the shower, tilting his head back as he speaks and closes his eyes. He yawns and relaxes all at the same time and it’s almost like all the stress floated from his lips and into the humid air of the bathroom. He hears Harry breathing quietly and continues. “Do you remember what you said when I gave you it?”

“It looked like a nebula,” Harry says quietly and Louis nods. He knows Harry can’t see him and he debates that for a moment. Remembering he is in the shower. 

“All our talks late at night, when we could go up on the rooftops in busy cities. Or get away out in a country for just a little while. All those nights we spent side by side talking about the world above us.” Louis grabs the body wash and puts it in his hair, he doesn’t care right now. It smells like Harry, he is a bit put off by the realisation that he may use the same body wash as Harry. 

He hears Harry clear his throat, “It was one of the few times I felt at peace. Even when you would be back here in L.A. or home in Donny. If I was miles away, or something. Knowing that we were both under the same sky. Even if it was at different hours. It got me through those long days. 

“I remember the time I told you I saw some constellation and you got upset because You wouldn’t be able to see it.” 

Harry chuckles quietly, the sound of him moving in the background. Louis closes his eyes as he lets the water wash over his face. 

“I really took all those times with you under those same stars for granted, Louis.” 

Louis opens his eyes as he steps out of the spray and swallows. “I did too.” 

“I didn’t think it would end. I didn’t actually think we would ever end. We were a team and we were stronger together. I never thought that we would see a day where I didn’t wake to your voice or hear you on the other line at five am.” 

Louis turned off the shower and he can hear Harry cough away from the phone before he clears his voice. Louis grabs a towel and dries off quickly before he goes to his pipe -well Harry’s technically. He’s kept it for all these years.- and takes another hit. As he blows the smoke out he hears Harry’s echoed voice.

“If I had to do it all over again, I would make sure you didn’t ever walk out of my door that one day.”

Louis swallows as he looks over towards the shower. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “If I hadn’t ever walked out, I wouldn’t have Lyra now.” He starts to clean up and put everything back in its place as he hears Harry moving about once more on his end of the line. He wonders what he’s doing. If he’s in his room, or in his kitchen. He realises he doesn’t even know what Harry’s place looks like. So if he closed his eyes right now and tried to imagine Harry, he wouldn’t be able to fill the background. 

“If I knew the day I met you we would end, if I knew that we had to end and I would go off and father a child.” He stops and laughs at his words, “That sounded so mature. But, if I knew, I would do it again. Even knowing that hurting you would lead me to have a daughter if I knew what I know now...  I am sorry.”

Harry falls quiet and Louis wonders if he shouldn’t just hang up now. He hears him take a deep breath and Louis copies it as he grabs his phone from the shower and shuts off the vent fan and the bathroom light. He walks to his bedroom door to open it a little and he hears Harry mumbling before he clears his throat and tries again. 

“Is this the talk we needed to have?”

“Not really, I - the one I had planned, there’s still more to it though. But, it’s kind of the start of it.”    
  
“Louis, how old is Lyra?” 

Louis swallows and sits down on his bed, setting the phone on the bedside table. “Eleven.” 

He hears a heavy sigh come from the other end and he closes his eyes, tilting his head down as his wet hair falls in front of his face, drops of water hitting his bare thighs. They sit in quiet for a while, neither of them say anything. Louis crawls into bed, skin and hair still damp as he does and he relaxes into the cool sheets. His body feels tingly and light. He tilts his head towards the phone and he can hear Harry’s music lightly playing in the background. Some ambient stuff, Louis would roll his eyes if they didn’t feel so heavy. 

“Louis, I will always love you. If the day we met you told me that we’d be an amazing team, have this amazing relationship and I would fall fucking in love with you. I’d laugh. But, I’d follow you to the ends of the earth. You are the reason I didn’t give up sometimes, why I found strength when I had none. You are a massive bloody part of who I am today. I will always love you and keep you close.” He hears Harry swallow and a shaky breath fall from his lips. Louis isn’t sure how he could handle Harry being emotional right now. He hopes he reels that in fast because he doesn’t think he could do it. He knows he can’t handle it, he barely could when they were dating. 

“If I got married tomorrow, I would still love you forever. The way I felt for you, it will never leave me, even if you leave me, again. That feeling has never left me.” 

It was Louis’ turn to let a shaky breath escape his lungs and he rubbed a hand over his face. He felt numb physically but emotionally he felt so much and he ached so much right now. He wanted Harry to just come over and crawl into bed with him. 

“I have to go, Louis.” And the line went dead and Louis’ heart sank. It sank and drifted away with everything he was holding on to keep composure and every emotion flooded to the gates as the dam broke. He rolled over and a heavy sob escaped his lips as he closed his eyes tightly. He tried to force it all back but it was too late. 

Every choice he made the day they broke up weighed heavily on him. He always leads himself to think that they broke up mutually when in reality he was just tired. He's sure Harry was too. They both had to have been tired. Tired of hiding and tired of living a double life. They fought so much and he thought he was doing them both a favour and he thought for a while it may have been mutual. He knew even then it wasn’t mutual. He told everyone it was. He thinks Harry did also. He didn’t even want it in the end. He’d used the excuse that they should take the chance to see what else is out there. Harry had been hesitant but in the end, agreed. And when Louis went over to Harry’s the last day he ever saw him and they fucked one last time, Louis had every intention on calling Harry in a few days. Because the strongest thing between them was their friendship. They felt they could actually continue to be friends. 

Only Louis never did call him the next day. Or the one after that. 

 

**≿❈≾**

Two days later and Liam had sent the flight information to Louis. He’d rolled his eyes and ignore it. Louis has been ignoring everyone. Well almost. Everyone except Harry because Harry is doing the ignoring on that end of things. He knows he shouldn’t be feeling bad over it, but he does and he wants to pick up the phone and call him repeatedly until he answers. Lyra is over at Lottie’s for the night with her friend, Vivi. Lottie had decided they could go to a pottery class and then have a slumber party. Phoebe is visiting for a job interview and Louis got to see her before she took Lyra to Lottie’s.  

He’s currently laying in the living room floor sprawled out like a starfish and staring up a the ceiling fan, watching as it slowly turns, particles of dust drifting through the rays of sunlight beaming in through his balcony door. He tried to call Harry and it was sent straight to voicemail. This morning as he was sitting on the balcony, watching the sunrise with a cup of cold tea in his hand, he scrolled through an article talking about Harry being seen out with some lady. Louis wasn’t so out of Harry’s life that he believed the headline of it being Harry and some random female being super cosy. He knows she’s his assistant. What made him dislike it was the fact that he’d been on his way to the airport. So he knows that they aren’t going to talk before London now. He isn’t too sure how to take it. He’d hoped to talk before London. He doesn’t want to go and he’d called his lawyer, waking him up before he wished to be, to ask him about their contracts and how they stood now that Simon was dead.

He’d just gotten a call back saying that technically he is free. For the most part. He’d been told there was enough fine print that he could be in some deep shit if he decided to run out and do a tell all. Louis though had no interest in that, he wanted it all behind him. And now it could be. He could make music as himself, write music as himself. He could be himself and he wasn’t sure how to feel about that. He’d asked his lawyer about the other guys’ contracts and was told it’s likely the same. Louis had said, “So, hypothetically, if I wanted to publicly kiss Harry?” To which his lawyer had responded, “Have a blast.” Adding in that if that were to be something to happen, to just not discuss the past in heavy detail, or at all.  To not make anyone look bad, that it just looked better in the end. Louis got it, sort of. He didn’t like it, he’d love to run Simon and everyone else's names through a massive pile of shit. 

He’d take what he could get. Now if only he could get what he wanted. Having a few days isolating himself from everyone except his own daughter has caused him to think and think. Rethink and then think about it again. He twisted it all up in his head and ironed it out in his heart. He was in love with Harry and that was never going to leave him. Just as Harry’s love for him will never leave Harry. Louis had come to terms with something he’d locked up for so long he actually didn’t think it still had existed. But now in the light of day, in the far too sober front of his mind, he sees it like a flashing neon sign. He loves Harry and he always has. He always will and he wants him more than anything. He wants him more than he needs air to breathe and he wishes he’d answer his phone. He wishes he’d pick up and come over. Lay in the fading sunlight with him and count the dust particles like stars. 

It doesn’t happen though. He lays there as the sun shifts across the living area and the light hues turn to dark golden hues. As the light slowly slips away beyond the horizon of Los Angeles, Louis lays on the floor and watches the night drift in and over him. He’s covered in darkness and he can barely see the ceiling fan as it continues its circular motion above him. And he wonders if he’d been honest from the start like he was with the other guys how it would be with Harry today. Would it all end up the same or was it all destiny? As the night creeps on and Louis looks over at the bright blue numbers above his television he realises he successfully has laid in his floor for the last nine hours and mentally applauds himself. He stays where he is, going back to staring at the dark ceiling above him. Catching glimpses of the ceiling fan as cars slowly drive past or pull into their designated parking spots. He stares on until the sun slowly creeps in, picking up the specks of dust that orbit around the room. 

Louis sighs and slowly sits up. He runs his hands over his face and through his hair. He nods to himself and looks at his phone, pulling up Harry’s number one more time. It goes right to voice mail once more and he clears his throat before going to settings and pressing delete. He stares at the screen for a few moments before he gets the courage to pull up their texts and erase them. He slowly erases Harry from his life, one by one in every way he can. After he’s removed him from social media from when he added him so many years ago. Louis tossed his phone on the sofa and headed to his room where he sleeps the day away and into the night. 

 

**≿❈≾**

Louis landed in London after an exhausting trip. An unexpected layover for five hours was the breaking point for him. He was very happy that Lottie had offered to take Lyra and she was going to trade off with Lyra’s mom. He thought about taking her with him but the school was doing tests and he felt it would just be better for her to not go. He’d have to figure out a way to keep her from the media shit storm because no matter what he may be able to do now, her privacy was the biggest reason she was hidden from the world. He’d texted Liam after landing and told him he was going to stay at his house in London. Liam didn’t even ask why or try to change his mind which spoke volumes to Louis. None of the guys had really talked to each other leading up to the flights, according to Niall. Louis flew down with Niall, followed by Zayn. Harry and Liam had flown in earlier, the two of them making very public landings as they did. Zayn went under the radar and Louis and Niall were just rumours. One Direction ended up trending on Twitter, along with 1d Reunion. And some trends about a reunion at Simon’s funeral. 

It made him feel fuzzy inside to know that even after all these years they could still do that. Still become a trend in a matter of minutes and it could carry on for hours. He was staring at his phone, smiling at it while laying in his far too big of a bed. The thick blackout shades were drawn as he sees the cracks of daylight coming in from the top where the curtains are away from the wall. He tosses his phone onto the floor and rolls over, his bare skin brushing across the soft fabric of his sheets. He yawns and stretches out his arms before tugging the sheet up over his shoulders and closes his eyes. He’s spent more time sleeping lately than anything else and he isn’t going to allow himself to worry about that right now. He’s fatigued in so many ways and he just wants to fade away for a while. So he lets himself do just that. 

He isn’t exactly sure how much sleep he’s had but judging by the dim light of a setting sun he thinks he’s slept the rest of the day away and Louis mentally curses himself for being so off schedule. He runs a hand through his hair and debates going to grab a shower when a bell chimes from down the hall. His forehead crinkles as he frowns, unfamiliar with the sound that once again chimes. He gets out of bed, tugging his sheet with him as he goes. In the hall he begins to wrap it around his waist and tugging it up at his feet so he doesn’t trip on it. He follows the noise and it falls louder as he nears the door and he stops and stares at it. He begins to unlock the door and pulls it open, eyeing the door beside him. 

“Huh, that’s what the bell sounds like” he speaks before he lets his attention fall on the person who rang the bell in the first place. He frowns immediately and backs up to close the door when a bag of obviously over greasy food is held up. 

“You can set the food down and leave it.” He says, nodding as he does. 

Harry sighs heavily, “Let me in, Louis.”    
  
“No.”   
  
“Why?” 

“I don’t really have to have a reason. It’s my house.”

Harry shifts his weight a little and looks over his shoulder before putting his attention back to Louis. There’s a metal decorative screen door between them and it’s dark blue behind Harry. Louis squints at him and flips on the porch light, a moth immediately going to it. Harry moves away from the light and Louis sighs. 

“Why are you here, Harry?”   
  
Harry eyes the moth with a heavy frown as he slowly looks back to Louis, “I want to talk to you. I think we need to talk.”    
  
“Well, I feel like that ships already sailed.” 

“How is that fair, Louis?” 

Louis licks his lips and looks down at the sheet pooling at his feet. He draws his eyes back up to Harry’s, meeting them through the metal of the door. “It’s not. But I really just think maybe it’s for the best.”

“So you get a say in this and I don’t? Is that it? Because if it is fine. Be a selfish fuck.” He drops the bag of food with a thud and turns away. 

Louis hesitates a moment watching Harry jog down the few steps of his small house and he sighs before he lets out a groan, “Harry wait.” He’s unlocking the screen door before his words are out of his mouth.    
  
“Harry, stop come back.” Harry stops because of course, he does. Louis almost wants to roll his eyes because he is pretty sure that Harry figured he’d try to keep him from leaving.    
  
“Bring the food and you can come inside.” Louis picks up the sheet that's piled at his feet and turns away from the front door, going through an arched doorway on his right into an open living area. The sofa and a smaller two seater sofa are sat in a sunken living area. 

He watches as Harry walks in with greasy brown bag in hand. Harry glances at him before he clears his throat and holds it out. “I thought about getting you a drink but, I didn’t know. It’s a double with extra cheese.” 

Louis kneeled up on the sofa and took the bag from Harry before turning back around, his legs crisscrossed and the bag in the pool of sheets that made up his lap. He felt Harry hovering behind him and he waved his hand in the air, “Sit, please.” 

As he began to eat the large greasy cheeseburger, he watched as Harry slowly moved around, eyeing the two-seater sofa and the one Louis was on. Louis rolled his eyes as he chewed his food before he pointed at the end of the sofa he was on. Harry followed his finger before nodding and silently having a seat at the opposite end. They sat there quietly while Louis ate, he only got half way in before he belched loudly and his eyes narrowed at Harry, “My home. Not apologising for that”   
  
He didn’t miss the slight smile pulling at the corner of Harry’s lips before he wrapped his food up and put it back in the brown bag. He tossed it onto the large square coffee table and sat back. He stretched, his arms reaching above his head before he leaned his head back onto the sofa. He let his head slowly turn to look at Harry. Harry was staring at his hands that were clasped in his lap. He had on loose jeans and a pair of vans with an old shirt and a cardigan over it.  Louis smiled slightly. He looked so soft and he almost wanted to curl up into his side. Almost. 

“So, you’re here now. You wanted to talk.” Louis spoke quietly as he watched Harry look at him. 

Harry nodded at him, “I just felt we should talk about things face to face. And without you smoking up in your shower.”

Louis frowned slightly, “How’d you know?”

Harry’s eyes roamed over him before glancing away. They landed on a photo of some poppy flowers. Harry rose to his feet and walked over to the photo and Louis’ stomach sank. He shouldn’t have eaten so fast. 

“Because I know you, Louis.” 

Louis huffed out a soft laugh as he watched Harry pick up the framed eight by ten black and white photo. His small home has more photos like that one Harry is holding. All done by Harry. Something Louis took in the breakup that he didn’t ever admit to anyone where they had come from. Something he’d taken without much thought. A piece of Harry to carry with him through life. He was around for most of the black and white floral shots. Walks in the countrysides they could find in towns they didn’t know the names of. A few hours to themselves, to be themselves. More moments they’d taken for granted. 

Harry spots another photo, a larger one that’s hanging above the television. He puts his hands behind his back and nods at it. As if he’s looking at art in a gallery. Louis walks over to Harry with the sheet wrapped around his waist and stands beside him. It’s a large print of dead sunflowers. Louis had watched as Harry laid, squatted and bitched his way through a dozen shots of those sunflowers. Louis can feel Harry looking at him and he swallows as he takes a deep breath. 

“Why don’t we count that day as a day we spoke?” Harry asks, his voice wavers slightly and Louis tries to decipher the emotion behind it. 

Louis knows the day in question. He’d been back home for a few weeks after he and Roman had broken up. It wasn’t a bad break up but it pulled Louis down. He was feeling stuck in life and he just wanted to get away for a few days. He’d dropped Lyra off at his sister’s flat and decided to go for a drive, eventually parking to take a walk. He’d ended up walking off a trail and found Harry. Watching him from a distance as he tried, and tried to get a shot he liked of the dead sunflowers. Eventually, Louis approached him, watching as he flopped down like a toddler in the dirt and put his head in his hands with a heavy groan. Louis decided to join him and sat beside him. Listening as Harry volunteered how he wasn’t happy with anything he’d been doing as far as photographing the dead sunflowers. Louis told him to not give up and watched as he got up and continued.    
  
To this day he isn’t sure why he stayed, why he even came upon Harry in the first place. Of all places to run into each other, it was a small trail out in the countryside. But the end result was the print hanging above his television. He looked over at Harry and shrugged. 

“It was an hour out of eleven years total. I feel like it just seems like a fragment in that time.” 

There was hurt in Harry’s features and something tugged at Louis’ heart and he reached out, his thumb dragging across the soft skin of Harry’s cheek. He’s not shaved in a few weeks and the skin along his jaw scratches against Louis’ palm. Harry’s eyes shift across Louis’ face and Louis pulls his hand back. He hesitates a moment, unsure of what he should do. He knows what he wants to do, knows the pull is there and he’s pretty fucking sure he isn’t the only one feeling it. He knows Harry is hurting and the thing is, he hurts too. He never got over that ache of losing the love of his life. He learned how to adapt to it, how to ignore it. But it always sat inside of him, waiting for the moment to crawl up from within and show its face. 

Louis’ isn’t sure who moved first but all he knows is warm chapped lips are on his and he’s sighing into an open mouth. And somewhere along the way, his sheet is in a pile at his feet and he just wants to find his way to the bedroom with Harry close behind. His feet move before his mind does and he’s blindly backing out of the room with Harry’s hands on his waist. Louis pulls a hand up from his side and pushes Harry away, his palm flat on Harry’s chest. He turns and walks out of the living area, hearing Harry following close behind as he makes his way to the bedroom. 

He’s crowded into a closed closet door as soon as he enters and he tries to go over everything in his head. How they wound up here again. All he knows is the look on Harry’s face said so much and he just ached, he just longed for his touch. Even if it’s the last time once more. He wants it, he needs it and he’s going to shut the emotions out. He feels defeat as Harry’s now naked body crowds his on the bed, the soft sheets against Louis’ bare skin. He hears a low moan drift into the quiet room around them and Louis isn’t sure whose voice did that until he feels Harry’s hand wrap around his cock and he chokes out another moan. It’s a sudden feeling of being sucked into his body as he realises that Harry’s hand is working his cock as his teeth nip at his throat. 

Louis digs his fingers into Harry’s shoulders and pushes him downward, his hand feels good but it’s not helping. He needs more and he wants more. He’s craving it all now that he’s let the wall down and shoved the rational thoughts aside. He arches his back as Harry finally got the hint Louis was giving and took Louis in his mouth. It’s warm and wet and he’s missed that mouth. It’s like sin wrapped in skin. It’s pleasure and he moans, his eyes fluttering shut as he digs his fingers into the bedding. He doesn’t hold back as he focuses on the feeling of Harry’s tongue lapping at his head, his hand slipping down beneath his balls and a finger barely pushing against the tight ring of muscles. Louis’ legs spread farther and he whimpers with his bottom lip pulled into his mouth. He thinks he pleads for Harry to do something. 

He must have said something out loud because the next thing he knows, he feels wetness against him and he lifts his hips off the bed, slightly pulling away but Harry’s hands dig into his hips and tug him back in place. Louis’ eyes shoot open as he feels a tongue lick across his skin, pushing against the tightness. He’s never been able to not lose it when Harry does the things he does with his tongue. He’s spent hours plucking each string Louis had until none were left, until he was on the bed, sweat covered and whimpering. Until Harry would finally give in, push in and draw it all out of Louis in two swift deep thrusts and as Louis fell apart he’d pull his own orgasm from his body deep inside of Louis, the weight of his body collapsing on top of Louis like a shield. 

Louis sits up with a gasp and shoves Harry away with his feet. Harry’s eyes go wide with concern and Louis crawls over to him, kissing him deeply. Trying to kiss away the concern.  Louis’ hands go between Harry’s legs and spread his thighs apart as his blunt nails dig into the inside of Harry’s thighs. He scratches up and down slowly as they kiss, hard and deep. A battle of tongues as Louis moans when he feels Harry dig his fingers into his hip. He’s pulling Louis onto his lap and Louis breaks the kiss, breaks the closeness and stands up. He takes a deep breath because suddenly it feels all too much as he looks over at Harry. Cheeks flushed and sweat on his forehead. His hair’s a mess and it’s shorter again and Louis frowns. He’s only just noticed and he swallows the emotion back. A forced laugh leaves his lips as Harry moves to his feet. Harry cups Louis’ cheeks and tilts his head down, placing a soft kiss on Louis’ lips. 

“What’s wrong?” Harry asks, his lips pressing soft pecks along Louis’ cheek just beneath his eyes.    
  
Louis thinks he's about to break and he gives in. “I miss you. I miss you and I am so fucking tired of missing you. I don’t want to miss you anymore. I don’t want to…” He swallows because he feels stupid yet, he knows he shouldn’t. 

It suddenly all becomes so real. What he lost when he walked out that door, leaving Harry behind. “Why did it take me so long to realise how much I loved you? I always thought I knew. But now it just hurts. It hurts so bad.” 

He didn’t realise the tears had begun to slowly fall until he feels Harry brush a stray tear away before kissing his forehead. “You needed to catch up I guess.”

“Well, it’s rather stupid if you ask me.” Louis bites his bottom lip. He feels slightly stupid now. Standing hard in his bedroom with a naked Harry as he cries.

Harry smiles weakly, “I never got over you. And when I found out how old your daughter was, at first it stung because I realised how soon after we broke up she had to have happened. But I realised maybe that was meant to be.” Harry steps back, sitting on Louis bed and runs his hands over his face. “I never understood that things happen for a reason. I thought it was the biggest load of shit. But when I saw her get into my car. I saw your sisters. I saw you and your Mum. I knew she was your daughter before any words were said. And what I hated the most, was I wasn’t there to see your daughter grow, to see you be a father.” 

Louis walks over to Harry and sits down beside him. He reaches over, taking Harry’s hand in his and squeezing it. Harry squeezes back and Louis looks at him. “I tried to date. No one felt right. I dated someone for a while and he even started to stay over, got along with her and everything but. It never felt right. It just always felt temporary.” He sighed as he looked at their joined hands and fell back on the bed. 

He felt Harry fall back beside him, pulling their hands to lay on his stomach and Louis turned his head to the side, looking at Harry’s profile. Neither of them said anything and the mood slipped away into the night. They laid together in quiet, hands connected even when they shifted better into the bed. Louis would rejoin their hands. 

Louis isn’t sure when he fell asleep, but when he wakes to a car alarm and a cold spot where Harry had laid, he feels like it’s a sign that no matter how he feels about Harry, it can’t ever go back to what it was and he closes his eyes once more. Just as he thinks he’s about to doze off the bed dips behind him and he opens his eyes and rolls over. Harry leans down and kisses his forehead. 

“I thought you left. I was telling myself it was some sort of sign.” Louis whispers into the dark and he feels a puff of air fall over his face. It smells like mint. And he feels a drop of wetness on his face. He frowns and wipes it off.

“Sorry, I woke up and couldn’t sleep so I thought I would grab a shower.” 

Louis sighs out and pulls Harry into a deep kiss. “We have to actually talk.” He says as he pulls away and he feels Harry nodding. 

“With clothes on.” Harry responds and Louis smiles a little. 

“Why does it hurt so much?” Louis asks. 

“Some things just hurt more than others and we learn to live with it.”    


“I don’t want to live with this heartbreak anymore.” 

Harry wraps his arms around Louis tightly, his face buried into Louis’ neck. “I’m not leaving anymore. You can heal this one and let it go.”

“Why doesn’t it hurt you?” Louis runs his hand over Harry’s upper arm, feeling the softness under his palm. 

“It does. God, Louis does it hurt. It’s always hurt me and I have missed you so much. The day you saw me with those dead sunflowers, I sent you that print because I knew you had my others and I wanted you to have them too. Because that day on that trail was something I would cling to.”

“I just assumed you were being a smart ass or something, I left it in the front closet and Lottie hung them up while I was in LA.” 

Nothing else is really said and Louis sighs, rolling out of bed and walking down the hall in the nude. After a few minutes, he hears the soft steps of Harry’s bare feet looking for him and looks over from where he’s just sat on the sofa to see Harry wander in, equally nude. Harry walks over and sits beside him, leaving some space between them. 

“I am sorry I never told you about Lyra. I should have.” Louis says as he picks at his thumbnail. 

“Why didn’t you, Louis? Why did I have to be kept in the dark?” 

“I was worried it would hurt you. So I was trying to spare you.” 

“Louis, yes it would hurt me because obviously, she happened pretty soon after we broke up.” 

Louis feels like Harry’s not sure exactly when she was conceived. He sighs quietly and looks over at Harry. “I slept with Shana the same day we slept together.” 

Louis watches as Harry registered what he’s said, as his face changes at least three different emotions before softening. Harry shrugs slightly, “I feel like I should be mad, I feel like I should be upset but I really think that it would be pointless now.” 

Louis doesn’t know what he had been expecting when he thinks about it. He always assumed Harry would get angry, be hurt. He looks down at Harry’s knee, snorting at the word on his knee cap. 

“I mean it, Louis. Maybe I should be upset but it seems pointless when all I want is to go back to how we were. I don’t want anyone else. I feel like along the way we lost our way.” 

Louis draws his eyes up to Harry’s face and takes a deep breath. “We have so much to work on, I don’t know where to start. We stopped communicating for eleven years. One moment in that time isn’t going to help us. And I feel like it would be stupid to jump into something.” 

“So we don’t. We start over. And see where it goes.” Harry offers and Louis agrees with a nod. 

He could do that, he thinks. He’s missed Harry in more ways than as a partner in his life. He’s missed him as his best friend. That was always the first thing Harry was to Louis, his best friend and he wants at least that back. He would be so happy to have that back in his life. His eyes trail over Harry. Harry’s looking out into the living area and Louis feels like time has stopped around them. 

“I am not going to that funeral and you can’t make me.” Louis watches as Harry slowly turns his head towards him with a frown on his face.

“I actually have no argument to try to convince you otherwise.” Louis raises an eyebrow.

“Wait, what?”

Harry offers a half shrug “I don’t want to go either. I sent flowers and want to call it a day. Me being there isn’t going to help them any.”

“None of us should go. We should go hang out at Liam’s and drink some beers. Take a photo and post it.” 

Louis watched as Harry slowly smiled. It wasn’t a full smile and it looked forced but it was there and he wanted to kiss the lips that were slightly curved upwards. He crawled over to Harry and kisses his jaw softly. He wasn’t in the mood to get sexual at the moment and he wanted this all to go slow. But he still wanted to be close to Harry.  The soft kisses along Harry’s jaw slowly moved to their lips colliding and their breaths falling from their mouths in small moans. It wasn’t sexual but it felt intimate and personal. Something Louis felt like no one should ever see. The way Harry was kissing him as if it was their last night on earth. 

He’d take it and he’ll tuck this memory away for years to come. Because in this little moment in the early hours of the morning when the sun was still asleep and the world quiet around them, they were together in the dark and surrounded by each other in a little bubble. Louis almost didn’t want to break it. He’d let it linger a little longer, let Harry’s lips work against his for a little longer. 

 

**≿❈≾**

They spent a day and a half in a bubble built around the two of them. No clothes, and nothing from the outside coming in. Both their phones were off and their bodies wrapped in each other. Nothing became sexual, just the feathered touches and deep kisses. But Louis knew Harry was right when he said they had to resurface sometime. So they share a shower and traded a few more kisses before they both got dressed and Louis opened the heavy blackout shades that covered the sliding glass door and let the light of the afternoon sun in. Harry had turned his phone on first and it was filled with texts from Liam asking where he was. Followed by asking if he knew if Louis was okay or not. Before Liam slowly began to suspect they were together. 

Louis came out of the shower in a pair of joggers and a shirt, his hair still damp from the shower as he flopped down on the sofa and laid his head on Harry’s lap. Harry was on the phone and his hand immediately went to Louis’ damp hair. It was quiet except for the monotone voice of Harry above him. His responses were slow and short, mostly soft ‘mhms’ in response to whatever was being said. Louis let his eyes drift closed as he felt the cool breeze move across his skin. The sliding glass door that lead to his balcony was open a bit, there was a soft smell of smoke lingering in the air. He let himself focus on the touches in his hair, the light pressure at his scalp. He feels like he could drift away right now, slip away into a light sleep trapped in a moment that he doesn’t want to end. Despite Harry being on the phone, he feels like it’s just the two of them once again. Like old times, all those times long ago that are nothing but memories buried in the past. 

Harry hangs up the phone and tosses it onto the large coffee table. His fingers still work Louis scalp and Louis hums softly, his eyes slowly opening and blinking against the brightness of the room. He drags his eyes back towards Harry, reaching up to brush his hand across his chin. It’s rough and he wonders if Harry’s ever going to shave. He hopes he doesn’t. He likes the rough touch beneath his fingers. He lets his mind slip to the way it feels on his inner thighs for a brief moment. Louis yawns and moves to sit up, sitting beside Harry with their bodies touching. He can feel Harry’s eyes on him and he turns his head to meet the green looking back at him. He smiles a little. 

“I told Liam we aren’t going. He said he didn’t really want to either but felt like he had to with no other options. I told him to send flowers and expect us there in a few hours.” 

Louis nods and stretches his legs out, his heels landing on the hard surface of the coffee table. “What happens after all this is done?” 

“Life goes on.” 

“But, with us, Harry. What happens to us? With us?” 

“I have some work to do in Italy. Nothing long, two-day photo shoot and I am working on another album. I can do that from anywhere.” 

Louis nods and scratches at his neck before he drops his hand on Harry’s thigh. “I don’t know what I want to do. I know what I can do now. But I kind of like what I am doing and it keeps me close to Lyra.” 

Harry laces their fingers together and he hums. “You don’t have to figure it out yet. You do what you want to do, what works for you. And through it all, I’ll be right here.” 

“So, we have a lot to figure out.” 

Louis watches as Harry runs his fingers over the top of his arm, lightly scratching up to his forearm and back down. “And we have all the time in the world to do it. We don’t have to rush. We can go as fast or as slow as we want to.”

“I have to talk to Lyra first.” He misses her suddenly and pulls his hand away. He wants to call her now and he frowns, looking at the clock. He mentally does the math, she is in school right now and he can’t call her. She may get in trouble. He gets up and heads to the bedroom to get his phone off the charger, turning it on before pulling her contact up. He decides to text her instead. 

**Louis: L, I am so sorry I haven’t called in a few days. I just needed to deal with some stuff. I miss you so much and I can't wait to be home. I have some things we need to talk about and I hope that you are doing well and having fun. See you soon. Love You. Dad**

He takes his phone with him to the living area and sits back down with Harry who’s scrolling through his Instagram. When he feels Louis sit down beside him he looks over at him. A frown heavy on his lips and Louis pokes his cheek, “What?” 

“You unfollowed me. From everywhere.” 

“I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted you gone.” 

Harry’s frown worsens and Louis didn’t know it could. It’s almost comical now. He leans over and kisses him softly, feeling him relax before he pulls away, “I can follow you.” 

“Do you know what will happen? I saw those trends just from Liam and I landing together. Imagine if you followed me.” 

“I’m gonna do it.” And he does. He follows Harry across all social media and smiles when he’s done because he can. 

It doesn’t take too long before it gets noticed after that and Larry starts trending again. Louis rolls his eyes at the trend and shows Harry who laughs. His phone pings with a notification from Lyra and he reads it, frowning slightly. 

**Lyra: Does the talk have anything to do with Harry?**

Louis’ mouth twitches and he slides his thumb over the side of his phone.    
  
**Louis: How’d you know?** **  
**  
**Lyra: I saw Twitter, Dad.**   
  
**Louis: Aren’t you in class? Why are you on Twitter in school. Why are you texting me in school?**

**Lyra: Can I just say one thing?**

**I don’t really care. It’s not about me and it won’t matter how I feel.**

Louis frowns at that because it does matter how she feels. Who he dates, matters because if the relationship becomes serious enough, that person will be in her life also. He wants her to feel safe and happy also. He stares at her text for a few minutes before he asks her to call as soon as she can. She does within fifteen minutes and he rolls his eyes as he answers.    
  
“What?” She says right away and Louis sighs.

“Are you at school?”

“Yes but it’s a free period. So I am in the bathroom.” She responds and he can hear her voice echo.

“I love you and who I date does matter. You need to feel comfortable and safe too.” 

“Dad, I don’t know much and Lottie wouldn’t tell me much either. But from what I have found out about you and Harry, he really loves you and you love him. It’s written all over your faces. I don’t have to know why you broke up and I don’t want to know. I am eleven, I don’t need to know. He drove us wherever and got us dinner that one night. No dick is going to do that.” 

Louis narrows his eyes, “Language.” He takes a deep breath and pinches the bridge of his nose. 

“Dad, I am okay with whatever you decide to do. I am only eleven and I really don’t care.” 

“I just need you to feel comfortable in this too. I mean he’s not moving in tomorrow but” He sighs and runs a hand through his messy hair. “I don’t even know what will happen, I just know that I would like there to be a future that involves him in our lives.”

“I want you to have that and I don’t know him but, I think he cares for you a lot. I saw how he was looking at you in the car.” 

“You get off your phone and I will talk to you later. I love you.” 

She hung up without another word and Louis rolled his eyes, she never says goodbye when she’s hanging up and it always bothers him. No matter how much he tries to get her to say goodbye at least, she never does it. Louis looks around, not finding Harry so he leaves the living area and heads towards the bedroom where he does find him. He’s stripping from his clothes as Louis walks in, leaning on the door frame.

“You are the most handsome person I have ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on.” he says, watching as Harry turns around, facing him and he puts his hands on his hips. 

Louis feels like Harry may have gotten even more good looking as he has aged. He smiles as he pushes off the door frame and walks over to Harry, cupping his jaw with one hand and pulling him into a kiss. They stand there quietly after the kiss is broken, Harry’s arms wrapped around Louis’ shoulders and Louis with his hands on Harry’s bare hips. 

“We should get dressed, thought I would grab a shower here and put on the clothes I came in.” Harry says as he leans in and kisses Louis quickly. He pulls away before Louis can kiss back. 

Louis leans in and kisses along Harry’s bare shoulder. “So are we moving slow?” He asks as he places a soft kiss between Harry’s collarbones. 

Harry runs a hand through Louis’ hair and Louis sighs as he feels Harry tug on it slightly. “I think it may be for the best.” 

Louis pulls away and licks his lips, drawing the bottom one into his mouth and drags his teeth over it before letting it go. “So are blowjobs moving too fast?” 

He watches as Harry’s eyes flutter closed and a groan escapes his chapped lips. He leans in and kisses his jaw down to his neck. He feels Harry take a deep breath against his own chest and can see him swallow before he speaks. 

“I want nothing more than your lips on my cock. But I don’t want to mess this up. Not again.” 

Louis kisses Harry softly, it’s barely even a kiss with his lips brushing over Harry’s chapped lips. He sighs as he closes his eyes, his hands roam over the broad expanse of Harry’s chest. Fingertips dig into the skin along his ribs and he runs a hand over the left side of Harry’s chest. He can feel the thump-thump of his heart and he presses his hand harder against Harry’s chest, his fingers digging into the skin. 

“I can feel your heartbeat.” Louis whispered and looked up. Harry took a deep breath, holding it for a moment before he let it out, his breath fanning across Louis’ face. 

Louis leaned in and kissed Harry’s pec where his hand had been. His lips pressing against the small nub of his nipple. He felt Harry’s hand run under his shirt, along his ribs, sliding back down toward his hips, and over to the curve of his lower back. His hand was firm on Louis’ skin and Louis closed his eyes. He pressed his forehead against Harry’s shoulder before he stepped away and pulled his shirt off. Harry’s hands quickly reach out towards Louis, tugging him back to him by his arms. It’s gentle but rough all at the same time. A soft grasp but a hard tug and Louis collides into Harry’s chest as Harry’s hands immediately go to the waistband of his joggers. He quietly slips his fingers beneath the elastic and begins to push them down over Louis’ bum, his hands digging into the flesh as he does. Louis runs his hands over Harry’s arms and tugs them away from his body before he steps back and slips the rest of the way out of his joggers. He kicks them aside and takes a deep breath, letting his arms fall to his side. He feels Harry’s heavy gaze sliding over his nude body and he closes his eyes as chills slowly make their way over his skin. 

Louis opens his eyes as he swallows, the stare he’s on the end of is heavy and dark. He licks his lips and watched as Harry’s eyes snap to them. He wants to say something, make sure they aren’t about to make a mistake but at the same time, he doesn’t want to disturb the bubble they are once again in. Louis moves closer to Harry, kissing him softly, closed lips against closed lips before he begins to slowly kiss down the middle of Harry’s chest. His hands on his upper thighs as he moves down Harry’s body and into the floor on his knees. He wants to glance up but he can feel the heavy stare and knows every movement he’s making is being watched. 

He runs his hands over Harry’s calves as he places soft kisses across the skin of his thighs and his hands run upwards, pushing between his thighs and pushes them apart. Louis slowly drags his tongue across Harry’s thigh, turning his head to move inward as Harry spread his legs even more. Louis took the chance to glance up and Harry had his hand on his stomach and his bottom lip in between his teeth. Louis locked eyes with Harry as he nipped at the middle of Harry’s thigh and took Harry’s cock in his hand. He wrapped his fingers around the base and applied slight pressure as he twisted his wrist, letting his breath ghost over the flesh and he dragged his tongue up the underside of Harry’s cock. 

He watches as Harry’s eyes flutter closed, his fingers digging into his abdomen. Louis wraps his lips around the side of Harry’s cock and sucks on the flesh, pulling away with a pop and watches as Harry’s exhales heavily. By the time Louis’ got to his knees, Harry’s cock was hanging hard and heavy in his face and he never wanted his lips on a dick so badly. But he wanted to draw this out, he hadn’t been able to touch Harry in so many years. He doesn’t want it to be just another blow job. He wants Harry to remember this. He wants to make him fall apart with his lips and bring him to his knees until he’s coming down Louis’ throat. 

Louis wants to move slow but the snap of Harry’s hips as he swallows around his cock pulls a moan from Louis’ chest, vibrating around Harry as he sucks him down and pulls back to lap at the head, tasting the saltiness of precome on the tip of his tongue. He closes his eyes and takes Harry back into his mouth. He lets his eyes fall closed as he feels Harry’s fingers dig against his scalp and Louis opens his eyes and looks up at Harry. He’s staring down at him with his lips parted and he tilts his head to the side slightly as he moves his hand from Louis’ hair and runs his fingers over Louis’ cheek. Louis knows that Harry can feel his own cock in Louis' mouth and the slight push of his hips sends another moan through Louis. He has to look away because the look of Harry staring down on him as he sucks on Harry’s cock is sending shivers down his spine and the heat is pooling deep inside of him. 

Louis’ only focus is to make Harry come with his name on his lips as he works his mouth along his cock and his fingers slip between his thighs and behind his balls till Louis feels the tight ring of muscles and circles his finger across the skin. He feels Harry’s fingers grasp his hair and Louis gives in, dropping his hands to his knees and relaxing his jaw. He wants to let Harry lose control. He wants to see him fall apart because of him. He needs to see him fall apart, he needs to pull the moans from Harry’s lips and hear them fall into the quiet air around them. 

Louis can feel Harry hesitate as he pushes into his mouth, the look on his face is a weird mixture of pleasure and concern and Louis pulls back and laughs quietly. He wipes the spit from his lips and kisses Harry’s thigh softly. He leans his cheek against it and letting the coarse hair on Harry’s thighs scratch his cheek as he closes his eyes and reaches for Harry’s cock. He’s stroking him lightly as he leans back and looks back up to Harry. 

Louis licks his top lip slowly before he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and lets it go. “So here’s what we are going to do. I am going to drop my hand and open my mouth. You’re going to give me your dick and fuck my mouth. You’ll come, I’ll come, it'll be a great time.” 

He watches as Harry squeezes the base of his own cock, Louis’ hand bumping against Harry’s. Harry moans at the words of what Louis’ just said and he closes his eyes for a moment before looking at Louis. “I want that so bad. But I don’t want this to be just that. I don’t want us to fall into sex.” 

Louis bites at the flesh on Harry’s thigh, letting his teeth sink in. He hears Harry moan out and can feel his knees buckle from the pain. He laps over the spot before sucking where his teeth had impacted the skin, sucking hard and pulling away with a pop. Louis runs his fingers across the red skin and hears a hiss from Harry as he presses a blunt thumbnail into a tooth print.    
  
“This is whatever we make it Harry Styles. You can use me, or you can be used by me. It’s your choice.” He wanted Harry to pick whichever way he’d like it. Louis wants this to not be all they are, or will ever be. 

They became that once, long ago. Just orgasms exchanged in the heat of the moment. After a fight, after not seeing each other. They’d get off and separate. It was a thing they slipped into quickly. It was part of the downfall of them. All the love and soft touches. The deep caresses and tender kisses pushed aside for deep thrusts and harsh kisses as they fucked in quiet with little to no words. Louis had learned to keep the moans inside, silent gasps falling from his lips as he came. He’d learned to push the emotion aside. Get in and get out, literally sometimes. Watching as Harry initiated it and Louis ended it. In more ways than one. He didn’t want them to slip into that downfall again of just using each other for sex to distract themselves from the reality they’d become. He didn’t want to ever see them go down that road again because no matter how he feels for Harry, Louis knows he can’t do it again. Not to him and not to Harry. 

Harry hasn’t moved. He hasn’t responded and Louis rolls his eyes. “I refuse to see us spiral down a road that we should never have gone to in the first place. I love you and I want you in every way. But right now, I want you to come on me.”    
  
He watches as Harry takes a deep breath before running his fingers through Louis’ hair and tugging hard. He slips his hand from Louis’ hair and drags his fingers across the roughness of Louis’ short beard. Harry’s hand cups Louis’ jaw and his thumb drags across Louis’ bottom lip as he presses down. Louis opens his mouth with the pressure of Harry’s thumb on his bottom lip and digs his own fingers into his thighs. He lightly scratches up and down before digging his fingers into his thighs. Harry pushes his thumb into Louis’ mouth and presses down before pulling it back from his lips and slipping his cock into Louis’ mouth. 

Louis’ eyes flutter closed as he feels Harry push his cock into his mouth and he moans softly. The weight of his cock on his tongue, the taste of his skin and Harry’s fingers caressing his cheek as he thrusts in and out of Louis’ mouth. He’s always found something intimate in letting Harry fuck his mouth. Or Harry letting him fuck his mouth. Something about trusting the other person to not hurt you. To keep you safe as they use you how they want. It’s gone deeper than fucking each other’s mouths. And every time they fell into their games, Louis always came out feeling more loved and more in love than he had before. 

Knowing he could trust Harry to always listen and to always pay attention even in the heat of the moment, knowing that Harry would trust Louis to do the same, he knew he could always trust Harry to keep him safe and he knows Harry would always trust him the same. 

He could read Harry like a book and he thinks even now as his hips snap and his cock hits the back of his throat while Harry is caressing his cheek. That despite the pleasure that’s about to course it’s way down Louis’ throat, he’s keeping an eye on Louis because that’s his first priority. Second is the load of come he’s just shot down the back of Louis’ throat with no warning and his eyes fall shut as his head tilts back. Louis digs his fingers into his thighs and moans. He wants to pull himself off with a few hard tugs but he won’t because he’s not leading this.    
  
Louis feels Harry’s cock slip from his mouth and he licks his lips, his jaw popping as he closes it and opens it a few times. He hadn’t done that in years. Over eleven to be exact. He never did it with anyone else. Never trusted anyone else.    
  
“Come up here,” Harry speaks and his voice is breathy as he pants. His hands slightly shake as he helps Louis up. 

Louis’ knees ache and are red from the hard floor they’ve been pressed against. He’s lead to the bed and he goes willingly, feeling a cool draft from the breeze of an open window he didn’t remember opening. While his focus is on the window he feels Harry’s mouth wrap around his aching cock and he arches off the bed, a gasp pushing from his lips. Harry’s not taking it slow, he’s working Louis quick and fast, his head bobbing up and down when Louis tilts his head to glance down. He moans out into the room and digs his fingers into the blankets. It doesn’t take much longer before he moans into a gasp and comes down Harry’s throat. 

Harry crawls up as he licks his lips and kisses softly up Louis’ sternum. He plants a solid kiss on Louis’ lips, slightly off centered and Louis smiles in it. He wraps his arms around Harry and tugs him closer. He’s not sure if it’s close enough even though he knows that he can’t make it any closer. They lay there in the quiet, the fluttering sound of drapes moving in the breeze and Louis sighs. He eyes the alarm clock across the room that he never uses, green numbers glowing at him. They are late and he doesn’t care. But he knows he should and they need to get dressed. 

“Do you think the guys will make a fuss over us?” Harry speaks against his chest before rolling off Louis and onto the bed. 

Louis hums before he climbs off the bed, “I don’t know but for now, can we not mention it? Just say we’re getting on well and let it be that?”    
  
“But we’re late? Niall is bound to make some snarky remark.” 

“You go ahead of me. I’ll come a while later. I have more reason to be later. If I come even an hour after, as it is you’d only be half an hour late.” Louis watches as Harry stretches before getting off the bed.    
  
“I’ll go freshen up and head out.” He places a soft kiss on Louis’ lips and Louis gives one back before they separate. 

Both of them getting ready in quiet is comfortable, domestic. Louis takes it and takes in every moment of it as he showers while Harry calls Liam and makes up a lie from Louis’ bedroom. He closes his eyes under the heat of the spray as he hears Harry in the bathroom cleaning up and digging around. He snorts when Harry tells him he’s using Louis’ sisters deodorant and body sprays. He also likes that no one would even bat an eye at that and it makes him smile more.  

After Louis’ finished his shower he walks Harry to the door with a towel around his waist. They kiss for a moment. It’s soft and their lips linger a few times before Louis pushes Harry away gently. Telling him that he should head out and he will see him later. Harry dips his head with a small blush on his cheeks before looking back at Louis with a smile. A solid smile that is meant for Louis and Louis alone.    
  
Louis goes to get ready and takes his time, he has to be an hour late and that hour gives him time to think. He thinks of so many things. Good things and bad things and a few in between. He knows they still have to really have a talk and discuss everything and how they plan to do this. But he knows it will all happen as it’s meant to happen. He knows he can’t rush a deep talk because what if it breaks them again? He pushes that thought aside because no, they both want this. They both want a future together. At least Louis does and he has a strong feeling Harry is being upfront with him also. If they both work for this, they can achieve it. 

 

**≿❈≾**

Louis lost track of the time, sitting on his balcony and then calling Lyra. They chatted a little more about Harry and she still stood by what she’d said earlier. Louis felt it was important that she be okay with it and he kept telling her that. He told her the three of them could go have lunch sometime or he could have Harry over for dinner. During his conversation with her, his phone started to go off with a text from Zayn asking where he was. He wrapped up the conversation with Lyra and headed out the door. 

He was currently sitting outside Liam and Zayn’s place, in the back with a beer in hand and his phone in the other. They had been keeping tabs on the media coverage for Simon’s services. Louis wouldn’t have been surprised that even in death he’d turned something into a stupid media frenzy. But it seemed no one really gave a shit. Barely anyone outside of one media company was even discussing it.    
  
“It’s a bit anticlimactic,” Harry says as he sits down across from Louis at the outdoor table. 

Niall grunts as he tries to sit up from where he’s slouched low in a yard chair before he finally gets to his feet and grabs another beer from the cooler. “You know what else is anticlimactic?” He points his bottle at Harry and Louis with an eyebrow raised. “The two of you.”

“How are we anticlimactic exactly?” Louis asks and picks a piece of his burger off, tossing it into the yard. He watches a large basset hound bounce towards it and snatches it up. He looks over at Liam who’s laughing with Zayn. 

“You two didn’t speak for how many years? And you reunite and it’s like what? You saw each other once? How long did Harry even stay?” Niall asks and Louis rolls his eyes as he puts his attention back on him.

“I don’t know because I woke up the next morning and my house was cleaned.” Louis hears Harry snort.

“I left an hour after you guys did. I cleaned up and packed the leftovers.” 

Niall nods, “I don’t know what I was expecting but I thought there may be a little more. I mean you guys are talking, that’s great don’t get me wrong.” he shrugs as he takes a bite of the rest of his burger before covering his mouth with his hand as he chews. A few moments later he speaks, “I just guess not everyone can bounce back into love after a decade. Well, I don’t know anyone who has. But I am glad you two are on friendly terms. Maybe we can have ot5 dinners now.” He drops his hand from his mouth and smiles as he gets up with his empty plate. 

Louis tilts back his beer as he watches Niall walk over and toss his plate in the bin before he lets his eyes shift to Harry who’s picking apart the meat of his burger and tossing it into the grass. Louis suspects an over grown basset hound is at Harry’s feet. Harry and Louis sit quietly, the background filled with the occasional laughter from the other three. Louis doesn’t feel like doing much of anything. He feels exhausted and so much has gone on emotionally. He’s just ready to go home, he’s only been there a couple of hours. He gets to his feet and claps his hands. 

“Alright boys, let’s take this photo yeah?” He stood from the lawn chair and nodded at Harry who was watching him as he left the table. 

He walked over to the other three, Harry following behind after another minute. Louis looked under the table to see a fat basset hound munching away on a piece of meat. 

“Aye, would you guys stop feeding Roxy? She’s already fat.” Liam snapped as he held a hand out towards the happy dog. She coughed and hacked a piece of bread out before eating it again. Niall frowned before groaning as Harry snorted. 

They got into a group and Niall pulled out his selfie stick, “Wait, those still exist?” Zayn asked and Niall blinked at him.

“Alright, everyone smile,” He says as he pressed the timer and held the phone out above them. 

After they took a few different shots Niall sent each of the guys a different photo to upload on their social media. Zayn and Liam like most times, posted within a few moments of each other. Followed by Louis and then Niall. Louis isn’t sure why they staggered it. It took around an hour for all four of them to post their photos though. Harry had decided he was going to wait, just to spite people. Louis walked over to him and sat his chin on Harry’s shoulder. 

“Should add a photo of us two with it.” He heard Niall get excited and run up behind them and put his chin on Harry’s other shoulder.

“With me in it too!” Harry and Louis laughed as Harry pulled his phone out and took the picture. He sent Niall a copy of it and added it to the other photo, the group shot of everyone.    
  
Louis looked at the picture that Harry was looking at on his phone. He’d been sent the one with Louis giving the finger and smiled.  

After a couple more hours and a few more beers, Louis had announced he was going to head out. Harry stood to his feet, a slight wobble in his balance as he did and asked if they could share since he lived on the same side of town. Louis shrugged, he wasn’t sure where Harry lived but Zayn offered that detail up. 

“Oh right? Why didn’t you two come together? He’s on the same block as you, Lou.”    
  
Louis raised an eyebrow, “Seriously?” He looks over at Harry who shrugs. 

A slight slur to his speech as he speaks. “Two houses down actually. I only knew because I saw Lottie over one time when I was working on my flowers.” 

“Well, I had no idea he was so close. But yeah, we can share.” 

They all bid their farewells, hearing the honk of the car waiting out front of Liam’s place. Another following suit as Niall’s ride arrived. “I will see you all back in LA yeah? We should get lunch before we get busy again.” Zayn asked and everyone looked at Harry. Louis almost felt bad but the truth was, he was hardly actually ever in LA. 

Harry shrugged, “I got time. I can go back to LA.”    
  
Louis nodded and clapped Harry on the back sending him forward slightly. Harry frowned as he looked back at him and Louis smiled and apologised with a slight laugh. They headed out with Niall behind them, parting ways once more with hugs before they all got in their waiting cars. 

The ride home was quiet and Louis didn’t mind. It was peaceful and relaxed as he reached out and ran a hand down Harry’s thigh. He hears Harry sigh contently with his head against the window, watching as the city lights pass them by in the late night. 

 

**≿❈≾**

Harry stumbled into Louis’ place without an offer from Louis to come in and Louis found he hadn’t minded. Harry was standing in his kitchen, leaning against the marble counter as he drank from a teal glass. Swallowing the water down like he needed air. Louis got him some pain medication from above the sink and handed Harry two of them. He swallowed them back and sat the cup in the sink before he pulled his phone out and took a photo of the glass. He looked around Louis’ kitchen before frowning and wandering out of it down the hall and into the living area. Louis followed him, watching as he looked around the room.

“I need something that can be easily yours but could be anyone's.” Harry slurred and Louis raised an eyebrow as he sat on the back of his sofa with his feet on the cushions.

“How do you mean?” 

“Like,” He pulls his phone out and tugs on his bottom lip with one hand as he uses his thumb to navigate his phone. He looks back up to Louis. “I posted the photos of Ni and us. And the group one.” He looked around the room and sighed again. His shoulders moving as he did. 

“I want something that someone will see and suspect I am here. But not a confirmation.” Harry supplied as he turned in place.

Louis understood, or at least he thinks he does as he looked around the room. He spotted a pair of vans lined up by the closet door and a pair of slip on vans had his signature smiley doodled on them. “My shoes. If you get just part of the smiley doodle in a photo it will get attention.”   
  
Harry looked to where Louis was pointing and stumbled over there. He kicked his orange converse off and lined them up right next to the slip on vans. Louis watched as he took a few photos before turning back to him. 

“Are you okay if I do this?” Harry asked.

Louis gave half a shrug with a nod, “Go ahead. No bother to me.” 

Louis took his phone out and went to one of Harry’s social media, he liked all the other guys' photos except Harry’s. Harry had tagged everyone but him and it amused him. He waited a moment before Harry told him he’d posted the photo and he refreshed the feed to see the picture of Harry’s converse. You could see an X and part of the smile in the corner of the photo. The caption was simple, “A good night it was.”   
  
Louis sent a quick heart emoji to Lyra and closed his phone. He saw Harry frown and hold his phone towards Louis. It was a comment with a black heart on it. The commenter named LyraLouWho. Her Instagram was private. Louis had set firm rules and frequently monitored her social media. He looked up at Harry who had a weird expression. 

“She did the doodle.” Louis offered and Harry still stared at him.   
  
“She followed me.” He shows Louis who smiles.    
  
“That’s good.”   
  
Harry frowned, apparently it wasn’t? Louis wasn’t sure.    
  
“Do I follow her back? I can make it so no one else sees?” Harry asked and Louis smiled, stepping forward to kiss him softly. 

“You can if you want, love. Only Niall follows her, and he does it publically. But I know you still have update accounts that keep track.” 

Harry laughs softly before kissing Louis back. “I think he does also.” 

“Well, it’s up to you, Harry. If you’re asking permission to follow my child. I appreciate it. But she follows you and she knows we are trying for something. Even though I don’t even know what that is yet.” 

Louis frowned as he watched Harry’s shoulders fall. “It's called a relationship, Louis. I want that, Lou. I want you in every way possible and I don’t want to mess this up. But.” Harry trailed off. He walked over and grabbed his shoes. 

“We need to talk though.” Louis finished and sat beside Harry as he tugged his converse back on. 

“Yeah. We really do. But can we just wait until we are back in LA? Make a day of it with no distractions?” Harry asked as he stood up, Louis standing with him.

Louis nodded with a smile, “Yeah we can. Are you headed to yours?”    
  
Harry ran a hand through his hair and nodded. “I think I should. I think it’s best.”    
  
They kissed once more before Louis followed Harry to the front door and locked it behind him after he left. After Louis cleaned up and got in bed he pulled his phone out. A text from Lyra and he smiled. 

**Lyra: Do you love him, Daddy?**

Louis sighed because he knows he does. He knows he never stopped loving Harry. He isn’t sure he ever will stop, isn't sure anything could cause him to. His thumbs hovered a moment before he began to type a response. 

**Louis: I do. And I need you to understand that you will always come first.**

He watched as dots appeared under her name before her words appeared. 

**Lyra: I know. Don’t worry.**

Louis bid her goodnight before turning off his phone. He slid into his bed and tugged the cool sheets up over him, starfishing out into his far too big bed with a content sigh into the night. 

 

**≿❈≾**

Louis has been home for three days now. Three days he hasn’t seen Harry but has talked to him. The idea of going slow is smart and he agrees with it but, not seeing him isn’t. He expressed that to Harry on the phone earlier, getting a laugh in response and a reminder they will sometimes go longer without seeing each other. It made Louis both excited and nervous. Excited because he felt Harry was on the same page as him and nervous because it was work. But all in all, Louis was excited about the future. Fully, for once. He had a sense of freedom he hadn’t had in years and he was taking each day with a new step. 

He heard the buzz of his gate and the sound of Lyra groaning as she got off the sofa. 

“It’s Harry.” She spoke as she opened the front door.

Louis looked towards the front door to see Lyra standing just outside as Harry approached. He gave her a one arm hug with a bag in his hand and she hugged back with a smile. His heart melted at that. It was a sight he never thought he would actually see. He didn’t realise how much that moment meant to him until he saw Harry frown at him when their eyes met. Harry approached him and gave him a quick kiss.    
  
“What’s wrong?” He asked Louis as he sat a cloth bag down on the counter. 

“I never knew I wanted to see that until it happened. I didn’t realise how much I wanted you in our lives.”    
  
He watched as Harry slowly smiled and Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist and pulled him into a tight hug. “I never want to let you go again.”   
  
“Well, you have to let me go to Italy. But” He pulled away after hugging Louis back. “I know it’s like, sudden but, I thought maybe you could come with me. And, Lyra she can too.”    
  
Louis frowned and glanced at Lyra who’s head had snapped to their direction. “I thought it was soon, real soon?”   
  
“It was. But, I may have asked Lyra when her next day out of school was and she has one that gives her four days off with the weekend.”    
  
Louis eyed the two of them, “You went to my daughter?”    
  
“I wanted to have an idea in my head before I brought this up to you and she had no idea why I was asking. I also know you enough that you would not tell me without knowing why in the first place and I didn’t want to think about asking if I didn’t have a plan.” 

Louis sighed and nodded, “Alright so what's the idea?” 

Harry relaxed as he began to unload the contents of the bag. “I can move it down because it’s just a five-day difference.” He started to dig around for pans as he talked. Glancing back at Louis, “I think it could be good if we all spent time together. I know we are doing that with dinner but, maybe away from life for a little while for all of us. This isn’t just a thing between you and I. It involves a child who has to adjust to new things also. Especially since you jokingly told me to sell my home here and just move in.” 

“You what? Did you really?” Lyra’s voice chimes in all it’s high pitched glory and Louis winces before he glares at Harry.

Harry shrugs and offers an apology that Louis is sure he doesn’t mean. He looks over at Lyra who’s leaning on the back of the sofa. “Lyra, how do you feel about all of this?

She shrugs, “I don’t care. You look happy when you two talk.” 

“How would you feel if he moved in. I need an honest answer, L. Because this isn’t just him being around for a weekend like Roman did. This is a bigger thing. For all of us.” 

“I am eleven, are you asking my approval?” 

Louis walked over to her and leaned on the back of the sofa, watching as she slid back into a sitting position. “I am because he is important to me and you are more important. I know you two barely know each other but I want you to feel comfortable.”   
  
She shrugs, “I just want to go to Italy.” 

“Lyra…”    
  
He hears her sigh and looks up at him, “I don’t mind it. I really don’t. He’s nice.”    
  
“So if he did move in?”    
  
She smiled a little, “I would not mind it.”   
  
Louis leans over and kisses the top of her head before he heads back into the kitchen. Harry’s frying some meat up as he hums a tune to himself. Louis kisses the back of his shoulder and watches him cook in quiet for a few moments before he clears his throat and steps away.    
  
“I wasn’t really kidding you know? I know you will be coming back and forth a lot for the next few months. So I thought if you just stayed here when in LA, it would help us maybe.”    
  
Harry glances over his shoulder, “I was already selling the home. It’s been on the market for four months. It just works out.” 

“This is a big deal though. We wanted to move slowly.” Louis says as he picks at a tomato that was on the counter beside him.

“Louis, stop focusing on that. Please? Just-” He puts a lid on the pan and walks over to Louis, caging him against the counter and leaning down to kiss Louis’ shoulder. “Stop focusing on the talk that we need to have, stop focusing on moving slowly and just let it be. Just let us exist and whatever happens, happens.” 

Louis wraps his arms around Harry’s waist and presses his fingers into the bare skin that he’s slipped beneath his shirt. “I don’t think I can lose you again.”   
  
Harry nods with his forehead against Louis’ shoulder. “If we want to make this work, we have to stop thinking of the what ifs. Just because it didn’t work before, doesn’t mean it won’t work now.” 

Louis sighs and reaches up to tug Harry’s face towards his by his chin and places a soft kiss on his lips. Harry kisses back gently before pulling away with a smile, “Please just relax? Let’s just continue on and stop thinking about the past, okay?”

Louis nods because Harry is right. He keeps focusing on what they should do, how they should work now instead of just letting them naturally do things. He lets Harry go and watches as he goes back to finishing dinner. Louis wanders into the living room and sits beside Lyra. She’s got purple joggers on and an oversized hoodie that Louis knows for sure is one of his. They sit quietly for a few moments before Louis pokes her in the shoulder and she looks up from her phone. 

“Are you doing ok?” He asks her and she nods and looks back at her phone.

A moment of silence passes between them before she speaks. “I’ve been talking to mama and…” She puts her phone face down beside her and looks at her hands. He isn’t sure what may be to come. “I want your last name”

He blinks at her before turning his body towards her. “Wait, are you sure? How’s your Mum feel about this?”    
  
“She thinks it would be a great idea, especially since she is getting married.” 

“You know why you have her’s right?” 

She nods and looks at him this time, “But I want yours now. I’ll be the only one with her name. And, I don’t want to take her partner’s. I mean I don’t dislike them, but I want yours.”    
  
Louis puts a hand on her shoulder and squeezes lightly, “Your privacy may change, you know that right?”    
  
“I know.”    
  
“If you want this, you can take my last name. We can make it legal over the summer break.” He watches her smile but it drops and she tugs on her bottom lip. He smiles at that because only one other person he knows ever does such a thing. 

“Can I make it my name on social media?” 

He hears Harry’s footsteps come into the living room, the smell of food filling the air and he takes a deep breath. “Harry, are you following her?” 

“Yeah but no one knows.” He responds as he bites a piece of bell pepper. 

“Yeah, love. You can.”    
  
She smiles at that and goes back to her phone as Louis feels a hand on the back of his neck. He tilts his head back and looks up at Harry who leans down to give him a quick kiss. “Dinner’s ready,” Harry says as he pulls away. 

Louis nods and moves to get up, tugging on Lyra’s oversized hoodie as he does. He tells her to go wash her hands and leave her phone in here as he heads to the bar where Harry has sat everything out buffet style. He watches as Harry stands on the other side of the bar, leaning his hands on the countertop and smiles at him. 

“I’m happy you’re here.” Louis says and watches the way Harry’s eyes drag up from the food to his face. A smile slowly falls over his lips. 

“I am too.” 

Lyra comes back and gets on a barstool, swivelling in place as she crosses her arms on the counter top. Louis nods his head in her direction while he looks at Harry.

Harry clears his throat. “So, I don’t know how you like your soft tacos so I laid everything out. Would you like help making one?” He presses his lips tightly together and Louis smiles as he looks over at Lyra. She glances at Harry and nods quickly. 

Louis watches as Harry helps her make a plate before he makes Louis’ without asking how he likes. It just meat and cheese with jalapenos and Louis smiles at him because he still remembered after all this time. Dinner is quiet, idle chatter filling the space between eating and silence. It’s so comfortable to Louis. It doesn’t feel new, it feels like something they always do. Like it’s an everyday occurrence to have Harry having dinner with him and his daughter. He wants it to be just that. The three of them as a family and his stomach does something, what he isn’t exactly sure of but, he does know it’s good. 

It’s so good right now, watching Lyra and Harry chat with each other as Harry takes her empty dish and washes it with his own before taking Louis’. It’s all so perfect right now, and Louis’ afraid to speak because he’s afraid it will end. And before he knows it does. Lyra goes off to her room and Harry begins to clean up, putting away leftovers and Louis continues to sit quietly at the bar, watching him. 

It isn’t until Harry leaves the room with a quick rub to Louis’ lower back that Louis moves, turning around on the barstool and looking out to the empty living room. He gets up and heads to his bedroom where he finds Harry sitting on the bed, phone to his ear. He smiles at Louis as he enters and Louis goes over to sit beside him. Aware he left the room for a reason but not caring at the moment. Louis falls back on the bed, his feet lifting off the ground slightly as he does and he brings an arm up to cover his eyes. A soft sigh falling from his lips. He felt Harry shift beside him and stayed still, stayed where he was because it felt right. If he was asked to explain himself he couldn't. 

There was something incredibly comforting having Harry’s thigh touching his hip as he talked on the phone. As Louis laid there in the darkening room and listened to soft music come from his daughter’s room across the hall. Having Harry beside him was so much right now. He missed him when he was sitting right there beside him. He wanted to take the phone away and press his lips to Harry’s until they lost their breaths and their skin bruised. He wanted to explore Harry’s body in every way possible. Not just sexually either, but relearn every little inch of his skin. Learn what makes him unfold once again and call Louis’ name in a pleading way. He wanted to wrap himself around Harry and fall in love all over again. 

Louis listened as Harry ended the call, tossing his phone onto the bedside table. Louis stayed how he was with his arm over his eyes and licked his chapped lips. He felt Harry move slightly, his hand squeezing his thigh just above his knee. Louis dropped his arm, a slight ache in his shoulder from the position he’d been in and he looked over at Harry who smiled at him. Louis smiled back and sat up, grabbing Harry’s arm and pulling him back onto the bed with him. Harry was halfway on top of Louis with his arms bracketing his shoulders as he leaned down and brushed his lips over Louis’. Louis’ eyes fluttered closed as he reached up and cupped Harry’s face in his hands and pulled him in, pressing their lips together with a soft sigh. 

It was such a harmless kiss but it made Louis’ stomach flutter like a hundred butterflies swarming and he opened his eyes as he pushed Harry away slightly, watching as Harry’s eyes slowly opened. The bright green staring back at him. It was all so much once again and he smiled weakly. 

“Stay with me?” He whispered and Harry nodded, leaning in to kiss Louis once more.

And everything he’d always wanted was right at his fingertips. Right where he’d always wanted it to be and he felt like he was in some sort of hazy dream. Felt like if he blinked it would be gone. Like Harry was just a fleeting thought as he dozed off in bed after dinner. A cough at his doorway startled him and he moved to sit up too quick, his head slamming into Harry’s and both men groaned as they sat up. Lyra laughed from the doorway before tossing a half-assed apology. 

“I just wanted to say goodnight. I’m going to sleep.” She says. 

Louis glances at the clock and nods. “I’ll come to tuck you in in a moment.”    
  
She smiles and nods before looking at Harry who was messing with his phone. “Thank you for cooking dinner, Harry.”    
  
He looks up with a smile on his face, a wide smile with the dimples out. “I enjoyed cooking for you guys. I’d love to do it again.”

Lyra smiles this time as she crosses her feet at the ankle and leans on the door frame. “Maybe I can send you some recipes” 

Louis interjects, looking at Harry. “She likes to cook and I don’t so.” He shrugs and Harry nods.

“Yeah, that would be great. Sleep well, Lyra.” 

She tosses a wave as she turns to leave, her long hair still wet and flowing behind her and Louis stands up, stretching as he does. He looks over at Harry before walking towards the bedroom door. “I’ll be right back. I have spare toothbrushes in the bathroom, the second drawer.”

“Is that a hint?” Harry asks and Louis chuckles.

“No, I love the smell of onion and bell pepper.”

Louis crosses the short path across the hall and walks into Lyra’s room. Her door was open and she’s on her bed as she braids her long hair over her shoulder. She looks up and see’s Louis and smiles a little. Louis watches her for a moment and looks around her room. He can spot the few small things that have changed. The changes that show she’s getting older with every passing day and a little of him aches. She’s gone from being his tiny baby girl to his preteen daughter. And it hurts to see her grow, to see her need him less. But at the same time, it’s so amazing to see. 

To watch a life he helped create grow into this beautiful amazing human. Watching her learn and grow in many ways. He is excited to see her grow, to see her become an amazing person and see what she is capable of. Even though sometimes he misses picking her up from her crib and cradling her in his arms. Misses the moments where he would start to cry out of frustration because she would just doze off and as soon as he even moved an inch she would wail out in loud cries and he’d have to start all over again. The same soft song playing in the background. 

He walks over to her and sits down beside her on the bed, watching as she ties off the end of her braid before he wraps his arms around her and hugs her tightly. She freezes for a moment, seeming hesitant before she wraps her arms around Louis’ waist. And they just sit there quietly for a moment before he pulls away and tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear and smiles at her. She says nothing, just letting him before a small yawn forces its way out. 

“I love you,” Louis says.

She nods, “I love you too, Dad.” 

He kisses her forehead before getting up and helping her beneath the covers, something he knows someday he will no longer do. She’s slowly stopped sneaking into his room at night from a nightmare. Her little bunny night light in her room has been replaced with a small projector that spins stars on the ceiling and walls as it changes different colours. He tucks her in and smiles down at her as she yawns again.    
  
“I do love you, you know that right?” He asks her as he turns on the projector. 

She hums, sleep slipping into her voice as she responds. “I know, Dad.” 

Louis nods and turns to walk to the door, “Sleep good, love.” 

She turns over as he slowly pulls her door closed some, leaving it left ajar slightly and heads to make sure everything is locked up and turned off before he goes back to the bedroom. 

He’s in the kitchen drinking a glass of water when Harry comes searching for him. He wraps his arms around Louis’ waist, his hands tucking underneath the front of his shirt so his hands can fan over the space of his abdomen. Louis closes his eyes and leans back, letting Harry support most of his weight. 

“Are you alright?” Harry mumbles as he presses a soft kiss on Louis’ shoulder. 

Louis sets the plastic cup down and nods, closing his eyes as he feels the rise and fall of Harry’s chest against his back. “Do you really think we can work out?” 

“I think that if we really want to, yes. I know you keep saying we need to have this talk and I agree. Because we need to communicate. But I also think we need to stop worrying about some things. Don’t worry about if we are moving too fast, or if we haven’t had a talk that is maybe needed. We have talked and we are talking.” 

Louis moves to turn around and Harry brushes a hand over his cheek. “So what do we do?” Louis questions, his eyes scanning Harry’s face. 

“We just do whatever feels right, Louis. We did this before, we can do it again.”

“But before, it was great and then it wasn’t. I don’t want it to go that way again. There isn’t just me at risk now. I don’t want her to get hurt either.”

Harry takes a deep breath and kisses Louis quickly before pulling away. “I don’t want either of you getting hurt. I don’t know her. But I want to know her. I can’t promise you that we won't ever argue because that isn’t logical. There may even be a fight where one of us wonders if we made a mistake. Because we are humans with heavy emotions. But Louis, I can promise that I will love you through it all. I can promise that I will learn to love your daughter and take care of the both of you.” 

Louis leans in, placing a kiss on Harry’s lips as he wraps his arms around Harry’s shoulders and lightly scratches the back of his neck. He pulls away slightly and lays his forehead on Harry’s shoulder, dropping his arms to his waist. Harry isn’t wearing a shirt and he smells cleaner. He smells slightly like Louis and Louis smiles against Harry’s shoulder.    
  
“I just don’t think I can lose you again.”

  
“So stop thinking about it. If we worry constantly about the what-ifs, we will go nowhere in life. We will have missed out on so many things because we worried over everything that could have happened.”

Louis straightens up and tilts his head to the side before he licks his lips. “I love you.” 

Harry kisses Louis’ forehead softly, letting his lips linger before he whispers, “I love you, too” he pulls away and looks Louis in the eyes, “Don’t even tell me something about too soon. I never stopped loving you, and you love me.”

Louis’ lip twitches before he tries to hide a yawn and Harry takes his hand. “Let’s go to bed, love.” 

Louis nods and flips out the light above the sink, a small night light in the corner of the kitchen lighting up the space with a soft glow as they leave the kitchen and head to the bedroom. 

Harry sits on the bed as Louis changes into a pair of joggers, leaving his shirt off and closes the bedroom door quietly. He walks over to Harry and runs a hand through his short hair, tugging on the end of the longer length that is slightly swooped out of his eyes.  Harry looks up from his phone as he sets it on the bedside table and wraps his hands around Louis' waist as he pulls him in. Louis’ knees hit Harry's as he leans down and kisses Harry. The kiss is deep and slow, their tongues brushing against each other and Louis’ fingers pressing into Harry’s bare shoulders. Harry’s hands slide down over Louis’ cloth covered thighs and press in as he tilts his head into the kiss and Louis pulls away, keeping their lips close. 

“I am so happy you’re here. Thank you.” 

Harry places a quick peck on Louis’ lips and smiles a little, “I am too.” 

Louis hums and pulls away, climbing across the bed past Harry and lays down on his stomach. “I am so tired.”

Louis groans as he gets out of bed to pull back the blankets, pulling on them as Harry doesn’t budge. He narrows his eyes at his back before shaking them. “Harry, move.” 

Harry laughs as he gets up and helps Louis pull back the blankets. Louis climbs into bed and tugs a large portion on to him before turning his back to Harry. He watches the room go dark before a soft glow lights it up from the other side of the room and Louis feels Harry getting into bed beside him. He rolls over onto his back and turns his head to look at Harry. Harry is already looking back at him and Louis reaches out to take his hand, tugging him closer. Harry curls into Louis, his arm across Louis’ stomach and his fingers brushing lightly up and down his side. Louis makes a soft noise of contentment as his eyes closed and his hand lays on top of Harry’s arm. It’s all so much in the best of ways and Louis’ almost worried that when he wakes up, that Harry will be gone. He pushes the thought aside with a whisper of goodnight before he lets sleep drift over him. 

 

**≿❈≾**

Harry and Louis are eating dinner, Lyra having finished already and gone to do some homework in her room. Harry had stayed over every night the last three nights and Louis is growing used to it. He told Harry that this morning after he watched him make breakfast for them before Louis took Lyra to school. When he returned Harry asked if he could go get some clothes to keep at Louis’. Louis said it was fine and a few hours later Harry was bringing his luggage in. He’d shrugged at Louis and said it was what he packed when he came to LA. Louis gave him a space in the closet, two drawers, and a blowjob before they went to get something to eat with Zayn. Over lunch, they told Zayn they were dating again and that Harry had basically already moved in. He smiled and hugged them both. 

Louis finally gives in and pushes for them to discuss the things that led to their breakup the first time around. Stating he feels like if they don’t they will only end up taking the same path. Harry told him that they were older now, and know where they went wrong and can work to avoid that. Louis is worried though, what if Harry didn’t know? Because Louis himself has spent so many years convincing himself it was mutual and ended on good terms. When the truth is, it wasn't either of those things. He tells him this. He tells him and he watches Harry’s shoulders fall.    
  
“Louis, I know what happened. I remember it and I try not to. I know it seems like I keep avoiding it.” He takes a drink of water before pushing the half-empty glass away and looking at Louis. “I am avoiding it. Because it hurts to think about our break up. We stopped communicating and when we did it was through yelling. Communication is key for us and we both know it. And back then, we were so overworked. We were stressed and had to hide everything. It became so much.” 

“I know you tell me to just let things be for now. But I am scared to do that. I did let things be. I let them just exist and stopped acknowledging them. When the whole time, we both should have been paying attention to the situation and not ignoring it.” Louis scratches lightly at an itch on his arm. He hears Harry clear his throat. 

“We both know this. I think we both knew it back then too. The difference is, Louis, we know what we need to do. It won’t always work, we will fight. But we know in the end we need to talk more.” He sighs and takes Louis’ hand. “And we need to not base our new relationship on our past. It’s different for us now. Everything is different for us. We aren’t one-hundred percent free. But we can be as public or as private as we want. We don’t have to hide unless we want to.” 

Louis nods, he hadn’t thought about the contractual part of it being so different now. Or the lack of, because they could be public if they wanted and no one could say anything. The only thing was they couldn’t ever say they had been closeted. Unless they said they had wanted to be. His lawyer had sent him a document explaining all the details and how they technically could admit to being a couple all those years ago. But they couldn’t say the girls they saw were beards set up by their management to hide their sexualities without their say in the matter. 

But in the end, Louis didn’t care about denying or confirming anything in the past. Because it was just that, the past. And Harry is right. He leans over and places a kiss on Harry’s shoulder before he gets up and grabs their dishes. 

Louis takes them to the sink, setting them down with the other dirty dishes. He hears Harry putting the leftovers up and turns around, watching him move around his kitchen. He relaxes as he does, watching the way Harry has learned his way around. How he doesn’t ask for help and moves about as if he’s always been here. Once Harry is done with putting the remaining food away they go sit on the sofa and Louis puts his feet in Harry’s lap as he grabs the remote. The topic moves toward Lyra’s name after she comes in to let Louis know she finished her homework before disappearing in her room again.

“Well, I couldn’t name her Denib.” He watches his face for a moment. It takes him a few minutes before Louis can tell when the memory has come back to him and he smiles at Louis. 

“I figured you named her after the constellation.” 

“I named her that because it reminded me of you. I wanted you in my life and that was the only way I could have you in a memory.” Harry’s smile drops and his face relaxes. Louis sees something cross his face and before he knows it, Harry is crowding into his space and his lips are pressing against his. 

They pull away and Louis takes a deep breath running his thumb over Harry’s bottom lip. “I love you” he whispers and gets another kiss in return.

**≿❈≾**

The next morning Louis wakes up to the dawn light casting down on him and he groans as he rolls over and pulls his blanket up over his head. It’s when he does that he notices there’s a lack of weight beside him and he peers out, seeing the empty space. For a moment his stomach does something until he spots the phone charging on the bedside table. It’s his cord because he can see the different coloured washi tape that Lyra put all over it. But it’s not his phone and only when he realises that does he relax. He lets his eyes fall closed once more and relaxes for a few moments before he hears Lyra calling him. Her voice gets louder, closer as she approaches the bedroom and he opens his eyes. 

“What?” He asks, his voice thick with sleep. 

She comes into his room just passed the doorway. “Harry made breakfast. I came to wake you and he got up to do it. I said he didn’t have to but he said I can't always eat cereal.” 

Louis frowns, “I always eat cereal.”    
  
“I told him that but he says you can’t either. He said we had all the stuff for breakfast so he made it while I got ready for school.” 

Louis nods and kicks the blankets off as he sits up and arches his back. “Okay, go on and I’ll be out in a minute.” 

He watches as she turns to leave before he stands and heads to the bathroom. He goes about his morning routine, listening to Lyra laugh down the hall. It warms his heart to hear the sound of her laughter, especially when it’s followed by the sound of Harry’s voice loudly talking about something, only to bring more laughter. This time from the two of them. 

Louis was leaning against the counter having just brushed his teeth when Harry walks into the bathroom in a pair of joggers and still no shirt on. His eyes catch Harry’s in the mirror as he closes the bathroom door, locking them into the small space. Harry walks up behind Louis and runs his hand down the middle of his back before leaning in and kissing him softly on the back of his neck. Louis sighs and tilts his head down as Harry drags his hand around his waist and slips it down to cup Louis through his joggers. He bites his bottom lip as he feels Harry grip him, squeezing just enough to spark arousal. It slowly began to course through him as he thickened up in Harry’s hand. He sighed out, a light moan following it as Harry slowly dragged his tongue across Louis, shoulder. He gently bit into the flesh, pulling his hand away and moving it into Louis’ joggers. His long fingers wrapped around Louis’ cock and Louis’ head falls back onto Harry’s shoulder. He licks his bottom lip as Harry brings his other hand up and covers Louis’ mouth as he begins to stroke his cock. Louis moans against Harry’s palm and moves one hand to Harry’s thigh, digging his fingers into it. He can feel Harry’s hardness pressing against his ass and he grinds back, pulling a heavy breath from Harry. 

The warm air fans across Louis’ bare skin. Harry begins to suck a mark into Louis’ shoulder, working his hand harder, faster with a slight twist when he strokes up. Louis feels Harry grinding himself against Louis’ bum, slowly grinding movements and it feels so good that he moans again, closing his eyes tightly and Harry pulls his hand away. His fingers dig into Louis’ hip as he moves faster, his thumb brushing across the head of his cock. 

Louis glances at the small radio he keeps in the bathroom, noticing the time before he gasps and moans, trying to stay quiet. 

“Fuck me” he gasps as Harry slips his hand from Louis’ cock to his balls and massages them in his hand. 

Louis yanks a drawer open and begins to dig around in the back of it and tosses a bottle of lube and a condom onto the counter. His eyes lock with Harry’s and he takes a deep breath as he puts his palms flat on the counter of the bathroom. 

“You have fifteen minutes to fuck me.” He tells Harry and watches as Harry licks his lips. 

He can see Harry swallow before he yanks both their pants down. Louis tilts his head as he hears the snick of the cap from the bottle of lube. Louis spreads his legs the best he can and feels Harry’s fingers pressing against him. He bites his bottom lip as Harry pushes his middle finger in and his fingertips press into the bathroom counter. He can tell Harry’s taking his time and he opens his eyes and looks at the clock. He looks into the mirror and moans. Harry’s eyes move to meet his as he adds another finger, still going far too slow for the amount of time they have. 

“Hurry the fuck up and get your cock in me,” Louis says, a broken gasp coming from his lips and he drops a hand to his own cock and begins to pump himself.  

“Harry Styles, I am going to come before you even get that fucking dick near my ass. Now get the fuck in, and fuck me hard and fast you have ten bloody minutes to make me come.”    


Louis isn’t sure what does it, but he watches as Harry pours some lube on his hand and stroked himself a few times before lining up to Louis’ hole and pushes in with no hesitation. It hurts but he doesn’t care as Harry grips his hips tightly and pulls back slowly before snapping his own hips, thrusting into Louis. He’s not hesitating, his hips slamming into Louis with a force that pushes him into the cabinets beneath the counter and he drops his hands to the countertop as Harry uses one of his hands to push him down. Louis’ bent over the bathroom counter as he glances up into the mirror, Harry’s head is tilted down. Watching as his cock slips in and out of Louis’ ass. The site does something to Louis and he moans a little too loud. He reaches over and flips the sink on all the way as Harry continues his hard and fast pace of fucking into him. 

It’s fast and dirty and it doesn’t take much longer before they’re both gasping on the edge of coming. Louis pulls up slightly and grabs his own cock, stroking himself once, twice before he bites down on his bottom lip and spills into his palm. His eyes are closed and he tilts his head down, letting it fall onto the bathroom counter. He feels two deep, quick trusts before Harry stops and a moan falls from his lips. Louis smiles, his lips brushing the counter and he opens his eyes as he straightens up. Harry’s hair has fallen into his face, sticking to his forehead. His cheeks are flushed and his bottom lip is slightly bleeding. Louis feels Harry pull out and he sighs, licking his lips before he kicks his joggers off. 

Louis’ quick after that, grabbing a washcloth that was in the shower and wetting it to clean himself up. He grabs a pair of joggers from the dirty hamper and yanks them on before he tugs Harry to him by his arm and brings their lips together. It’s slow and sensual, nothing like the way he was just fucked. He pulls away too soon for his licking and unlocks the bathroom door, leaving a quiet Harry behind as he grabs a shirt from a drawer and pulls it on. As soon as he’s out of the bedroom his whole attitude changes. 

He smiles brightly as soon as he opens the locked bedroom door and heads out into the hall. He walks out into the living room to find Lyra sitting on the sofa, watching the morning news. He patted her on the head as he headed into the kitchen, his smile dropping as he washed his hands and put away the bread that was still sitting out before he checked the time once more. 

“Alright, ready to go?” He asked Lyra as he headed towards his shoes by the door. He slipped on his shoes and grabbed his keys and wallet. 

Louis looked back towards his daughter as he opened the front door, watching as she grabbed her bag and walked towards him. “Can Harry always cook me breakfast?” 

Louis laughed as he left the house, Lyra close behind on the stairs as they headed towards the car. “You’d have to ask Harry that.” 

The ride to school was quiet which was typical and Lyra once again was late. Louis sighed mentally as he smiled at her as she got out of the car and headed inside. She would get a late slip for her first class and he wanted to be mad at himself but he wasn’t going to be. It wasn’t really his fault she was running late as much as the dog that was sitting in the road, holding up traffic on the way to the school. 

When Louis arrived back home he found Harry on the sofa in a pair of jeans and no shirt on. His hair still damp from the shower, falling free and unstyled. Louis walked over to him and ran his fingers through the longer strands up front and leaned in, kissing Harry. Harry smiled against Louis’ lips. 

“I have to ask you a question, Louis,” Harry said as he muted the television. 

“What’s up?” 

“Italy, I need an answer, love.” 

Louis sat back on the sofa and put his feet up on the coffee table. He thought it over for a few moments. Or pretended to because he’d actually forgotten all about it until now.    
  
“I have no idea. I feel like going with you is a big step.” 

“I just bent you over your bathroom sink after making her breakfast.” 

Louis frowned, “Don’t combine those two in a sentence, Harry.” 

Harry sighed, “Louis, the thing is I have been here for a few days now, a bit more actually. I cooked her breakfast while you slept.” 

“Which is why I am wondering why we should both go with you.”

“Because I am not ready to be away from you yet,” Harry said as he looked towards the television. 

Louis nodded slightly before he poked Harry in the thigh, “I am not sure what to tell you. I would love to go and she wants to, I know she does.” 

“Look, I just think this could help you and me. I get more chances to know Lyra. And I know I am doing all of that here, but I feel like it shows her my side of life and are you never going to travel with me?” Harry asks he’s turned his body slightly towards Louis now. 

Louis grabs Harry’s hand and runs his fingers up and down Harry’s. They’re bare of any rings. “I don’t know. I know you say to just be, and to exist but. What if we end up going too fast?” 

“Louis, you can’t keep doing this.” 

“I know but, I don’t know how to shut it off.”

Harry shook his head some and pulled his hand back before he looked over at Louis, “You trust me.” Harry took a deep breath and stood up. He reached down and turned off the television, tossing the remote on the sofa beside Louis. 

Louis stood up, cupping Harry’s face in his hands and brought their lips together. He felt Harry hesitate before he gripped Louis’ waist.

Louis pulled back and closed his eyes, looking down at their feet. “I’m sorry. I really do want you around all the time. I want to be smothered by you. I don’t want you to go anywhere without me. I want to go with you sometimes, and Lyra to come too. I want us to be a family.” He looks back up at Harry and places a quick kiss on Harry’s lips. “We will come with you if you really want us to.” 

“I want you to, Louis. I would never have offered if I didn't. I just thought being somewhere else gets us all away, and a chance to see how it goes. We may learn from this trip. It may show things are going just fine or that you and I should pull back just a little. And if it makes you feel any better, she told me Lottie tends to be her sitter, you can invite her. It won’t be weird since she and I stayed in touch.” 

Louis nods, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck. “Good, because Lottie would love to come.” 

“Good, since your daughter was talking to her this morning about it.” 

Louis dropped his hands and put them on his hips, “What? Why?”

“Lyra asked me if I had talked to you about it and I said no, she said maybe if Lottie came you’d let her go.” 

“Well, she has a point. But only because this means I can sneak off with you.” 

Harry laughed as he kissed Louis quickly, “I have a meeting to get to though, I’ll come back here after?” 

Louis smiled, nodding slightly, “Nowhere else I’d rather you be.” 

 

**≿❈≾**

The few days leading up to them going to Italy were about to do Louis’ head in. He hadn’t travelled out of London with Lyra in years. He tried to let her pack for herself and every time he checked in with her, she had said she had it under control. Only the night before he comes in to not find a suitcase and she says she can’t find hers. Louis calls Lottie asking if she has a spare and she says she doesn’t because she gave it to Doris last time she was visiting with the twins and she needed the extra case. Louis was getting ready to put some shoes on and go buy another one when Harry said he had one she could use. And that was how Louis’ eleven-year-old daughter ended up with a very obvious Gucci carry on suitcase with a monogrammed HS and a ufo with rainbow light beams coming from it. 

And she loved it, Louis rolled his eyes because of course, she would. What he didn’t expect was Harry to shrug and tell her to keep it. Which, what? Louis looks at him with narrowed eyes.

“It has your initials on it?”

Harry glances at him as he folds the laundry. “Well, I never use it. I like the plain one I have already and that one has sat in my house for a year now.” 

“So you just hand it off to an eleven-year-old? How much was it?” 

Louis watches as Harry shrugs, “Four thousand? Well without a monogram.”   


“What the fuck” A high pitched voice comes from the hall. 

Louis and Harry both turn around quickly, “Lyra” they snap in unison before looking back at each other. 

“Do you know the most I have spent on her? Disneyworld.” 

Harry sighed, “I am not trying to step on your toes or anything. I seriously never use that because one, it draws attention and two, I don’t like it. I won't sell the suitcase because it has my initials on it. I was just being nice. I didn’t pay for it either. I have so much shit, I had a whole room for stuff and would let people just do what they wanted.” 

“You do know you can turn them down right?” Louis asks as he watches Lyra walk over to the pile of laundry and start digging through it. 

“I felt bad for returning things. I do it now, but at first, it was like, am I offending them?” 

Louis wants to laugh because that is such a Harry thing to do. They would be sent so many packages from companies and he’d just keep them all because he felt like it offended them if he declined them. He steps closer to Harry and pats his cheek before walking past him and heads down the hall to the bedroom. He glances into Lyra’s room and immediately goes into his. Her room looks like a tornado ripped through it and he doesn’t want to deal with it. He starts to pack his own bag as Harry walks in and hugs him from behind.    
  
“If I stepped over a line, please tell me” He whispers into Louis’ neck. 

Louis smiles before turning around to face Harry, “No. You really didn’t. I understand and it was a gift. It’s not like you went out and bought it for her.”

“I respect you in many ways, that includes you being a father. I’m not going to go out and spoil her, I don’t want to buy her approval either.” 

Louis kisses Harry softly,  “I honestly do not think you have to worry about that. She’s already been stealing your Hoodies. I saw her packing a grey one that said Harry on it into her backpack earlier.”

“I was looking for that one. It needs washing.” 

“Well, I promise you it now smells like cotton candy.” 

“I think it already did, I wore it to the frozen yoghurt store with Niall.” 

Louis shakes his head and goes back to packing, glancing back at Harry. “I love you.”

Harry smiles brightly, “I love you too” 

 

**≿❈≾**

The trip to Italy was a lot for Louis in a few ways. But ultimately, Louis enjoyed it and was happy. It had been years since he’d been and he missed it. And being with Harry, being able to hold his hand in public and share small kisses. That made it all the better. They had all but one day with Harry and the day without Harry was while he had his photoshoot. He got to spend the day with Lottie and Lyra, walking around and seeing things he had not actually gotten to ever see anytime he was in Italy. He’d taken a few touristy type trips back when they were a band but they were all so short and rushed. 

He was able to enjoy it, actually pay attention to things and the fact that he was publicly holding Harry’s hand was everything. Watching Lottie and his daughter talk about an art piece in a museum while Harry was at his side, tilting his head at another piece of art in front of them. It was everything and a lot and he took a deep breath and tugged on Harry’s hand. Harry looked over at him with his eyebrows raised, ready to listen and it was cute. Louis smiled.    
  
“Last time we came here, I was being moved away from you because some fans were also inside and kept sneaking photos of us all. And now, I am here holding your hand.”

Harry’s face fell before a toothy grin appeared and he leaned over, kissing Louis. It was a small quick kiss but just to do it there, it made it feel so much bigger. 

“Why don’t you take a picture of Lottie in front of something and then I will post a picture of some art.” Louis slowly smiled before nodding. 

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s do it.” He let go of Harry’s hand and headed over to Lottie and told her what they were going to do. She beamed and found a sculpture she liked. 

Louis immediately posted the photo, not tagging his location though, but he was stopped hesitantly on their way out by a woman who looked to be near Lottie’s age and her eyes shifted between Harry and Louis. Louis nodded at her with a smile and asked her how she was. 

“I am sorry, I promise not to say anything. But can I please get a photo? At least with one of you?” Louis looked at Harry before shrugging. 

“Both of us work? But, not together. And, maybe don’t post them at the same time? Can you give us a day apart at least? If you do post them?” Louis asked her and her face lit up and she nodded with excitement. 

They each took a photo with her before heading out to find some lunch, Lyra taking both Louis and Harry’s hand. At lunch, Harry had asked Louis how he is able to spend time with Lyra because they did get noticed and people still even after all these years stop them for photos. Louis shrugged and said no one ever seems to wonder about her but he thinks because of most times like now when Lottie is with them that people may just think she’s a niece or another relative of sorts. But Louis thinks as soon as Lyra becomes Tomlinson, it may change. He worries about it but he knows he can continue to keep her life private. He followed her on social media, on the flight to Italy and hadn’t made it so only they knew. Instead a UA posted he followed her, and some fans noted she followed Harry and Niall. It didn’t go much farther even though her username had gone from LyraLouWho to LyraTomlinson. 

Louis had always known that someday it would be discovered he was a father. But the most important thing to him was her privacy. He worked and worked to keep her private. He kept her so private that Simon had never known. And if he did find out, he had kept it from Louis. But Louis couldn’t see him doing such a thing and not causing a stink especially since he’d kept it from him in the first place. 

The entire trip was so much and had become so important to Louis. It was a short trip and they didn’t stay busy a lot. But they did stay together, all four of them, and Lottie and Harry enjoyed giggling over the fans who were trying to piece things together. Louis was watching them lean close to Lottie’s phone as they scrolled through something, Harry barking out a loud laugh with his head tilted back. Lyra pulled his attention away as she picked a strawberry off her dessert. Louis picked it up and plopped it into his mouth, holding the green stem part between his fingers. 

“Is Harry going to come back with us?” she asked and Louis glanced over, seeing Harry looking at them. Harry gave a subtle nod before he put his attention back on Lottie.

“Yeah, love he is.” She smiled and shifted in her seat before she picked up her phone. 

“Are you done eating?” Louis asked her. She eyed her desert and nodded. 

“I’m full. I’m sorry I thought I could eat it.” Louis takes the plate and pushes it towards Lottie and Harry who both start to share it without a word about it. Louis smiles and sits back, closing his eyes and listening to his family around him. 

The last dinner in Italy was with just Louis, Lyra, and Harry. It was private and classy at an upscale restaurant. Lyra wore a beautiful dress and Lottie had done her makeup. It made Louis’ heart sink just a little seeing his little girl looking so beautiful and it reminded him just how fast the night changes. He snorted at his own mental wording before Harry had appeared at the hotel. Louis had been ready before anyone else and gone down to have a smoke outside. So he hadn’t seen Harry dressed in his suit all fancy like. He thinks he actually fell in love all over again as he watched Harry approach him in the glow of the chandelier lighting. Louis swallowed and smiled at Harry, reaching out to take his hand. Louis could only stare at him. It wasn’t anything new to Louis. He’d seen Harry dressed up hundreds of times. He saw him dressed up on television during their time apart. 

But there was something about standing in Italy with his daughter behind him and the man he loved in front of him that just did it for Louis.  And he leaned in, pressing his lips to Harry’s and kissing him softly. He could feel Harry smile against his lips and he smiled too as he pulled back. 

“I want to marry you,” Louis whispered, it was just for Harry. No one else but him and him alone. 

Harry’s eyes shifted past Louis before landing back on him. Harry smiled and cupped Louis’ jaw, nodding. “I want to marry you, also.” He whispered back and suddenly it was like it all felt right again. 

Louis could see it in Harry’s eyes, he could see the love he felt for him, see the way he cared about his daughter over the last few days. How he always had an eye on her and making sure she hadn't wandered too far. How much Lyra was starting to like Harry by the way she would run up ahead of Lottie and Louis to hold his hand because he would walk faster than the two of them. 

The last night in Italy, after the private dinner and after Louis took Lyra back to her hotel room with Lottie, and Lottie and Lyra shared sweets that Lottie had gotten through room service, Louis laid Harry out on the hotel room bed with the moonlight beaming in through the open balcony door, a soft breeze blowing a thin curtain. It all felt surreal as he undressed Harry and slowly took his time, relearning every inch he could of that man’s body. Kissing the new tattoos, brushing his fingers over new scars. Harry laughing as he tried to tell the story about one on his calf and a cat that didn’t like him, so he scratched his calf up. It had always felt so out of reach to Louis. He always figured that he’d let the one true love go and never really thought that the chance would come back around to him. The chance to be in love and fall in love all over again. To have a love who loved him and his daughter. Who wanted to be in their lives. 

With every thrust into Harry, with every gasp he pulled from Harry’s glossed lips, every moan into the cool night air Louis tried to tell him in broken moans, broken words how much he loved Harry. How much he needed him, missed him. He tried to put everything out there with every snap of his hips, every kiss on Harry’s lips. He worked to make sure that Harry knew everything inside of him, and how much he’d been missed and just how needed he was. And they came together for the first time in thirteen years with each other’s names on their lips. Harry told Louis he loved him and Louis knew he did. Knew he always had and apologised for ever letting him go as he kissed Harry’s lips softly, lingering against them. 

Laying with Harry beside him, their fingers intertwined and the soft sound of Italy outside their hotel room filling in the occasional silence was the moment Louis knew this could really all work out. That everything would be okay in the end. He smiled as he looked over at Harry, his eyes closed as his chest would rise and fall in slow breaths. He nods to himself, and brings Harry’s hand to his lips and places a soft kiss on the back of Harry’s hand before letting go so he can curl into Harry’s side. Listening as he slowly begins his obnoxious snoring, inhaling deeply. The subtle scent of smoke, of alcohol, of vanilla and spice and just overall Harry. Louis was in love and his life would be okay. It would all work out and he wasn’t going to let anything stand in their way. 

He took this as a sign that everything was going to work out for the two of them. That in the end, it would all work out and everything would be okay. This was the second chance that Louis never knew he wanted and he wasn’t going to let it slip away.

**≿❈≾**

A year and a half later and things were going better than ever. Lyra was happily attending school as Lyra Tomlinson, her privacy was still pretty much intact. She started an Instagram to display her drawings and it’s public. Harry followed it along with Zayn, who occasionally is on there with her. She’ll draw something minimal and Zayn turns it into something bigger. The last photo is a picture of Zayn and Lyra in a room with masks on in front of a wall that happens to be the bedroom of their new place. The wall is covered in a large mural of flowers and a night sky with the constellation of Lyra above it. The thing that brings attention to it is that you can see Harry’s back folding up a box off to the side, just barely in the reflection of a mirror. 

Louis smiles and hearts it before following his daughter’s own account. He is proud of her because she has grown so much in the last year. She’s going to be thirteen in a few months and she seems happier. He got far too big of a house at her and Harry’s insistence but their reasoning was that Louis had a big family and with Daisy being pregnant with her own twins now, he needed the extra room. He decided to designate the largest guest room for Lyra’s art studio because it was something she’d grown to love and was taking any and all classes she could on it. Occasionally she calls Harry H or even three times, Papa. She always looks surprised at herself but relaxes when Harry’s face goes all funny and he looks like he may cry.

Liam and Zayn are running their record company under their own names. Louis was writing as himself and was even working on his first actual solo album. He was excited about all the new things coming. Niall was on tour but had started a golf program for youth. And Louis got to watch Harry start his own fashion line. When he’d brought up the topic after they got back from Italy, that it was something he was discussing, Louis was proud of him. But to actually see his first runway show, to see all the designs and to know it was real, his heart fluttered with excitement and love for Harry. He was so happy to see how far he’d come. Louis was so in love and proud of Harry and he was so happy with the way everything was going. 

And this time when things came to a slow pace and it felt like they were slipping, he stood up straight and brought it up. And even though a fight sometimes generated from it, Louis knows, in the end, it's all worth it. He thinks this time they can see it through, hand in hand. 

**Author's Note:**

> A link to the Tumblr post  
> [is here](https://bringmetheharry.tumblr.com/post/185037667891/liminal) if you'd like to reblog! Thank you for reading and have a great day! :)
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>  hi sus.  
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